How does asexuality work? Do asexuals have no sexual interest? Do they get horny but just don’t want to engage in coitus? Do they still feel romantic attraction, just not sexual attraction? Are asexuals only interested in themselves?
In: Other
Not all aces/aros use this, but I do – meet the Split Attraction Model.
Aesthetic attraction: I enjoy looking at Idris Elba.
Sensual attraction: I would like to experience nonsexual intimate contact with Idris Elba (cuddling, holding hands, etc)
Romantic attraction: I would like to date/marry Idris Elba.
Sexual attraction: I would like to bang Idris Elba.
There may be more modes, but that’s the model I use. Idris Elba optional.
So it’s a cultural norm for most of us to experience all four and see them as all one thing, but it turns out, as always, humans are More Complicated Than That. Using myself as an example, I identify as an asexual lesbian, which (for me!) means I experience sensual & romantic attraction to women, aesthetic attraction to all genders (I feel like most of us are pan-aesthetic? But it’s not like I’ve ever done a study), and sexually attracted to nobody, so I’d be looking for (and found) a life partner for Cuddles and Dating/Marriage but not sex. My theoretical aromantic mirror-universe twin might be into having sex with women but feel no romantic attraction a.k.a. she’d be looking for more of a FWB situation.
Also as always, It’s A Spectrum! So going along the scale you’ve got:
– sex-repulsed aces who are like ‘ew no thanks’ to the whole business
– sex-neutral aces who might get busy once or twice For Science but they’re kind of whatever about it in general
– sexually-active aces, because even though they don’t feel sexual attraction for their partner, they still like the experience of having partnered sex (a.k.a. Orgasms Feel Nice or Ace/Aro Doesn’t Mean Your Junk Doesn’t Work, That’s A Different Thing)
– gray-A’s, who might feel attraction of one type or another only rarely or only under specific circumstances which are rare enough that they feel more comfortable under the ace/aro umbrella.
– demi aces/aros, who experience sexual/romantic attraction but only when they’ve gotten to know the subject of said attraction well enough. So they can’t just look at a picture of someone and catch pants/heartfeelings but they *can* develop pants/heartfeelings for a longtime friend.
Masturbation can happen at any point along the scale, as well as indulging in porn/erotica/fantasy. Some ace/aro folks like them, some don’t, and there really doesn’t seem to be any pattern or logic to it.
**TL:DR**: The human brain is weird and honestly trying to fit sexuality into a set of boxes that makes sense to us is a fool’s errand. The variety of ace identities are just an attempt to describe a varied set of experiences regarding sexual & romantic attraction.
(Importantly: don’t get the terms ‘sex-repulsed’ and ‘sexually-active’ with ‘sex-negative’ and ‘sex-positive.’ The former two are about what you do in your own bedroom; the latter two are about your attitudes towards *other people* having sex you’re not involved in. You can be sex-repulsed and also sex-positive.)
(Edit: hit post too soon)
(Edit2: thanks for the gold, I’m glad my no-sleep-no-filter infodump was useful <3)
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