How does asexuality work? Do asexuals have no sexual interest? Do they get horny but just don’t want to engage in coitus? Do they still feel romantic attraction, just not sexual attraction? Are asexuals only interested in themselves?
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I think they’re just generally not horny and then if they feel romantic toward a person, that’s a separate dynamic.
Fuck, that was hard to type on a phone 😔
Hey, aromantic asexual here
Asexuality just means you are not sexually attracted to anyone/thing (objectophilia is a whole other thing)
Asexuality is a spectrum so there can be little to no sexual interest, some asexual people are interested in romantic relationships and may even chose to engage in sexual activity for a variety of reasons, you can still have a libido and be asexual and while some asexuals masturbate it is not related to asexuality
For more information you can check out the r/asexual board
Not all aces/aros use this, but I do – meet the Split Attraction Model.
Aesthetic attraction: I enjoy looking at Idris Elba.
Sensual attraction: I would like to experience nonsexual intimate contact with Idris Elba (cuddling, holding hands, etc)
Romantic attraction: I would like to date/marry Idris Elba.
Sexual attraction: I would like to bang Idris Elba.
There may be more modes, but that’s the model I use. Idris Elba optional.
So it’s a cultural norm for most of us to experience all four and see them as all one thing, but it turns out, as always, humans are More Complicated Than That. Using myself as an example, I identify as an asexual lesbian, which (for me!) means I experience sensual & romantic attraction to women, aesthetic attraction to all genders (I feel like most of us are pan-aesthetic? But it’s not like I’ve ever done a study), and sexually attracted to nobody, so I’d be looking for (and found) a life partner for Cuddles and Dating/Marriage but not sex. My theoretical aromantic mirror-universe twin might be into having sex with women but feel no romantic attraction a.k.a. she’d be looking for more of a FWB situation.
Also as always, It’s A Spectrum! So going along the scale you’ve got:
– sex-repulsed aces who are like ‘ew no thanks’ to the whole business
– sex-neutral aces who might get busy once or twice For Science but they’re kind of whatever about it in general
– sexually-active aces, because even though they don’t feel sexual attraction for their partner, they still like the experience of having partnered sex (a.k.a. Orgasms Feel Nice or Ace/Aro Doesn’t Mean Your Junk Doesn’t Work, That’s A Different Thing)
– gray-A’s, who might feel attraction of one type or another only rarely or only under specific circumstances which are rare enough that they feel more comfortable under the ace/aro umbrella.
– demi aces/aros, who experience sexual/romantic attraction but only when they’ve gotten to know the subject of said attraction well enough. So they can’t just look at a picture of someone and catch pants/heartfeelings but they *can* develop pants/heartfeelings for a longtime friend.
Masturbation can happen at any point along the scale, as well as indulging in porn/erotica/fantasy. Some ace/aro folks like them, some don’t, and there really doesn’t seem to be any pattern or logic to it.
**TL:DR**: The human brain is weird and honestly trying to fit sexuality into a set of boxes that makes sense to us is a fool’s errand. The variety of ace identities are just an attempt to describe a varied set of experiences regarding sexual & romantic attraction.
(Importantly: don’t get the terms ‘sex-repulsed’ and ‘sexually-active’ with ‘sex-negative’ and ‘sex-positive.’ The former two are about what you do in your own bedroom; the latter two are about your attitudes towards *other people* having sex you’re not involved in. You can be sex-repulsed and also sex-positive.)
(Edit: hit post too soon)
(Edit2: thanks for the gold, I’m glad my no-sleep-no-filter infodump was useful <3)
Here’s a quick answer:
Being asexual just means you can’t feel sexual attraction. Libido/feeling horny, being able to feel romantic feelings, and being able to find someone attractive/cute are all separate things from sexual attraction. Whether someone who is asexual wants sex or to masterbate varies, some are completely repulsed by anything sexual, while other can be very sexual and have no problem with it.
Sexual attraction is a little hard for me to describe, but it’s basically wanting to have sex with someone in particular based on attraction/a certain feeling, a lot like a crush. (I assume, I’m Aromatic but not 100% asexual, aromatic is pretty much the the same thing except with romantic attraction and crushes instead.)
I’ve always felt asexual but I dont like to create a whole series of adjectives for it, mostly because I dont really care to put forth the effort. I dont like being touched sexually, I dont place in value in the act of sex. I dont like touching other people that way. Its bland, boring, and I feel like it is a waste of time. Maybe it’s because of how I was raised, maybe it’s because of a physiological thing, but the end result is that I just dont care. I have more pressing matters to address in my day to day life.
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Any answer from a psychologist/psychiatrist? That would be nice.
Think of it this way. One could be (A) sexual or (B) asexual while also being (A) romantic or (B) aromantic. So you could be (B.B) or (B.A). As for me (A.B) see?
Personally, I like using the cake analogy.
Imagine sex as a cake.
Sexuality is a spectrum.
Most people like some kind of cake and seek it out. (Sexual)
Some people ONLY like vanilla cake and seek it out. (Heterosexual)
Some people ONLY like chocolate and seek it out. (Homosexual)
Some people like all kinds of cake and seek it out. (Bi/pansexual)
Some people don’t like any specific kind of cake, but might eat some sometimes. (Sex-interested asexuality)
Some people don’t like cake at all and will never have any. (Sex-repulsed asexuality)
Some people only like cake from a specific baker. (Demi-sexual)
Being horny in this case would be like craving sweets. A lot of people would want cake in that case, but some people with something else, like donuts (I guess donuts are masturbation or something lol).
Asexuality can vary.
In general, what asexuals are share is a lack of sexual attraction. Most asexuals simply will not be attracted to someone. Grey asexuals and demisexuals may develop feelings of attraction for a particular individual if they develop a close relationship.
Then another axis to look at is their attitude toward sex. Attraction and libido are different, so some asexuals have more or less libido than others. Some asexuals are sex repulsed. Not only do they not experience attraction, but they are actively disinterested in sex. Some are sex positive; they may either be willing to or interested in having sex, ranging from only engaging in it when they have a romantic partner who enjoys sex, to seeking it out because it feels good.
People are individuals, even under the same umbrella. So what really matters for your question is that asexual people do not experience sexual attraction. And other things relating to that can vary with the individual.
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