ELI5..’Ego death’ on a psychedelic.
In: 740
One time I took too much {psychedelic} and as I sat there on the couch with my eyes closed, I forgot that I existed as a couch-seated-person.
instead, I completely and totally *knew* that I was a living, walking, tyrannosaurus Rex made entirely of Lego bricks.
I completely and totally *knew* that I was, *for certain,* floating through the waves of a rainbow ocean, bobbing up and down, my little Lego t-rex arms trying to keep my giant Lego t-rex head above the “water.”
I remember this being exhilarating (i.e.: awesome) for about… 10 seconds? Or maybe for an hour? It’s hard to say—Lego brick dinosaurs seem unable to perceive the passage of time (who knew!).
After that?
Well, see, here’s the thing, kid.. trying not to drown is a *liiiittle bit* stressful. Especially when you’re made of high density plastic, and you only have tiny little T-Rex arms to paddle with.
And so I would have just opened my eyes and escaped from that terrible rainbow nightmare, but—*(and here’s the real kicker)* — I didn’t *know* that I had eyes that I could open.
I WAS that dinosaur, was not sitting on a couch, had not taken {psychedelics}, and not have the necessary eye anatomy with which to save himself.
so, I just kept on trying not to drown for a looooong ass time, until eventually my buddy Steve grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, and I opened my eyes on pure reflex.
I remembered where I was (a couch), who I was (u/alarming-carmel), and what I was (a human).
Does that make sense?
Sometimes, when you smoke, snort, eat, drink, or inject certain substances, you may have the unusual reaction of experiencing something like death, but without physically dying.
The particulars vary widely and may include hallucinations, visions, voices, or just feelings.
Some experience an acceptance of the end of their mortal life, others are aware of being alive while their current “self” ceases to exist.
After the experience, many feel as if they are not the same person as before it, but the effect does not necessarily change anything about them and is not necessarily hard to get over while a few people are driven to make immediate and radical alterations to their lives.
It is worth mentioning that drugs and altered mental states are *not* required to have such an experience.
People already posted more detailed descriptions, but I think the only way you can really relate to ego death without having tried any drugs before is to imagine the feeling of drifting off into sleep and having vivid, surreal dream. Of course, the actual experience is way stranger, but falling asleep is the only shift in consciousness that everyone experiences and can understand.
Okay, here we go. Think about what makes you yourself. “YOU” are ultimately a collection of memories strung together to form a narrative. A narrative centered around you.
You don’t remember graduating highschool before your earliest birthday memory. Instead, that tragic pie accident on said birthday came first, and then influenced your feelings about the food at the subsequent graduation party. Nor do you personally remember experiencing your friend’s feelings when you beat the cookie cake into submission with your bare hands at said party. The ego (self, in this context) is that organized and examined narrative, and it is separate from others’ own narratives.
That said the narrative is not the perception itself. Narrative is just the recorded and organized memory of things perceived, and thoughts about that. That ice cream is tasty right in the moment, regardless of whether you remember it later, or whether you looked forward to it. The ice cream just IS. Until it isn’t. You likely will have thoughts while eating the ice cream, but you’re still going to feel and taste it whether or not you have those thoughts or some other thoughts instead.
“Ego death” is when something happens to pause that sense of narrative. One is temporarily not experiencing their perceptions as a sequence of events. There is only the present sensation/perception, and it is the whole of one’s awareness.
Think about times you’ve been doing something at just got real into it. Deep into The Zone, a FLOW state. Now imagine that, but you immediately forget each thing that happened, as soon as it had happened. Now also imagine you couldn’t tell whether it was you doing a thing, or someone else doing a thing, and importantly – caring about that distinction just doesn’t occur to you. No, “then, now, next” nor, “I, them”. Just the Now. Over and over.
Think of it as watching your thoughts go by from outside, and also your body sensations, and what you catch with your 5 senses, and all components of the real-life experience. At a certain point, something is observing all of your sensations. But what’s the observer? It can’t be you, because the observer is outside. It has to be something else, and the only possible thing is your environment. In other words, you are your environment. All is self, or, there is no self. That is ego death.
Im gonna try to eli5 as best as possible.
You know that voice inside our head that we identify as ourselfs but funny enough can’t really seem to control it, like shut it up when we want to?
It makes us think it’s us but actually, we are the “thing” listen to it.
Being on psychedelics or with meditation, what happens when you experience ego death is that you actually feel like you’re really dying, that can be very liberating or very scary depending on how attached you are to this world and/or your ego.
But since you don’t really die, you understand a few things, first you’re not the voice, you’re the listener.
And then, dead it’s not something to be scared of.
Among another things (each person takes they own conclusions)
Hope i helped!
Imagine how your favoritest kitty cat experiences reality – it’s basically like that. The part of your mind that sets humans apart from other animals gets “turned off”, so you’re left with “just the animal”.
People struggle to describe the experience because you only experience it ‘in retrospect’ – with a lack of actual ‘awareness’ in the moment – like trying to remember a dream.
Does anyone have information about if or how traumatic brain injuries can cause this? Or even more mild concussions?
On my last voyage i came to a vew conclusions.
The meaning of life is to simply exist. Nothing else matters.
That all emotions are just chemical reactions that i have some control over, i can stear them. Like a raft on a river. I stear towards happyness.
That we all follow our own paths. That i should follow my own path and should not block the path of others.
That reality is like water, go with the flow. Dont fight it, but stear it. Gently towards what you desire. Become 1 with the water and flow along your personal path.
I know it sounds very out there. But i transformed from a person that was on a constant alert modus. Scared, confused and low selfasteam.
To now….idk even how to discribe it. I became fearless for social stuff, even teached 16 to 26 year olds infront of a class abouth mental healthcare. I walk up to ceo’s and high placed ppl and wont feel the slightest touch of fear or selfdoubth.
Infact i now see theire selfdoubth and react empatic to them. Wich isnt something they expect. It became so easy.
Any strungle like cash or worries what so ever have melted.
I mean im still poor haha but now i dont care nore worry abouth it. And funny enough, that is making me very pro-active.
Im solving my build up problems 1.by 1, and.having the time of my life doing it.
My only wish was that i discovered this sooner as im 46 now. However i dont think i was ready yet.
Thrpugh the years ive been reading alot of philosofy and thinking was all i did (still do).
So this is the time, learning and discovering is fantastic and i actually am eager to get out of bed and see what i can learn today. If nothing thats cool to. Being zen is also a nice time to spend the day.
I hope my ramblings made any sense, forgive my spelling im dutch and these letters are getting to small. 🤣
Peace and becarefull and remember all that matters is you. That you exist,.nothing else matters.
You’ve probably had a similar experience: hearing a word so much it suddenly loses meaning. It’s kind of like that, but it’s you who becomes un-reified. You can actually do it fairly easily by simply staring at yourself in the mirror for a long time. Eventually you sort of separate from yourself.
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