Eli5: how does one use a bidet?

885 viewsOther

I don’t understand. Do you just sit there and air dry? Do you still need toilet paper? No one I know IRL can explain this to me, other than saying they love their bidet.

Edit to add clarity and ask another question: I’m in America so we don’t have that toilet looking bidet here. It’s an attachment that we add to our toilet. So I guess…where does the water come from?

In: Other

16 Answers

Anonymous 0 Comments

You turn on the water, and make sure it’s spraying on your balloon-knot. Squirm a little, flex a bit, and then turn off the water. Gently wipe with a single square of toilet paper to verify cleanliness and to dry.

Yes, you still need toilet paper, but much, much less, because you’re just blotting off water.

Anonymous 0 Comments

Generally there is some paper use for drying off unless you can afford one of the fancy bidets with a blow dryer.

Anonymous 0 Comments

Follow-up question: How do you use one of the stand-alone bidets that you see in fancy hotels? Should you check the water temp first? Just hover your butt over the bowl and hope for the best? Plus, is it intended that I waddle with my pants down from one bowl to the other, or do the refined bidet enthusiasts take their pants off and Donald Duck their half-naked self around the bathroom?

Anonymous 0 Comments

have you ever cleaned dog feces off the concrete with a hose because using a napkin just smushes it around? its a very similar technique

Anonymous 0 Comments

Functionally similar to a normal full-body shower except localized exclusively around your derrière. Fully spray the area ensuring full coverage, then dry off with a normal towel. Best practice is to have a dedicated towel for this task specifically and to wash it every laundry cycle.

Anonymous 0 Comments

And oh wait, where does the water COME FROM? What am I hooking it up to?

Anonymous 0 Comments

This makes me think, why aren’t bidets the norm?

Anonymous 0 Comments

Look…. It’s a pressure washer for your bunghole. Let it do its thing, move your hips a bit in a circle to find the sweet spot. Drip dry for about 10 seconds and then grab one load of TP and pat dry.

The fancy ones have heated water and warm air blowers.

Anonymous 0 Comments

Sit like this:
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0408/8497/files/straddle-bidet.png
Let the water flow (cold or hot is your choice)… then put soap in one hand, wash what you used in the toilet, then dry said body part with towel and you are done!

Anonymous 0 Comments

I sit and air/drip dry for a very short while, like maybe 30 seconds max. Then dab off with toilet paper. But it’s really not that much water. It’s actually less TP than I need when I pee. (I’m not totally sure why that is.)

If I was very very hairy, I might spring for a fancier one with a blow dryer, I guess. But it’s not been a problem at all for me or my husband.