Ok so quick context here,
I really want to focus on the “explain like Im five part. ”
I’m already quite aware of what is autism.
But I have an autistic 9 yo son and I really struggle to explain the situation to him and other kids in simple understandable terms, suitable for their age, and ideally present him in a cool way that could preserve his self esteem.
In: 7421
The connections in the brain are physically wired differently, meaning that people with autism literally think differently to others, in some cases this can mean acting differently in social situations, in others it can mean being able to see solutions to problems that no one else can see. https://youtu.be/iSJ9tEzgoPg
Autism is the name given to a particular brain type, which creates a certain way of thinking and behaving, and like all brain types, has certain benefits and drawbacks. The main disadvantage with autism is simply that it is uncommon, with only around 1% of people having it, which means the world is not particularly well set up for the autistic mind. This means that situations such as brightly lit rooms, noisy, extra stimulating environments, (that people with some other brain types find it easy to cope in) are common place, and so autistic minds often need different environments or help to thrive in these conditions.
Imagine if every room smelt of poo, how well do you think you’d be able to concentrate at school if it all smelt of poo? Well it doesn’t, because all brain types can’t stand the smell of poo, the world is set up to not smell of poo. There are certain things that autistic people find it equally if not more hard to cope with than the smell of poo, but others don’t, the fact that others don’t though, and they are the majority, means it can be found everywhere, and so we need to help accommodate the autistic mind in the non autistic world, just as we would accommodate the non autistic mind in a world of 99% autistic people.
The main benefit is also that it is uncommon. That they can find some things easy that others do not, and thrive in areas that others find incredibly hard.
For those who are curious, my current way of explaining it is to say that he has a “mind that cannot forgets”
When he has sensory issues I say that it’s because he cannot get rid of the feeling of being touched even if the touch is over because it does not forget
When he has hyper focus on a special interest I say that is mind cannot get past it because his mind cannot forget.
Same thing with keeping things first degree, he cannot forget the actual definition of a word when hearing an expression.
Thinking about explaining to other people’s kids here:
You know how you like x (e.g. sweets), but you don’t like y (e.g. olives)? Well, even though most people like z (e.g. energetic social situations) not everybody does. And sometimes lots of what someone likes is very different to what you might expect, and that’s ok. If you’re not sure what someone likes then you can ask them.
My personal feeling is that a label might be counterproductive, but kids should relate to having unique likes and dislikes.
It depends on how autism shows. I explained autistic traits like this to my first graders
“Some kids have a brain that has a filter. Tim is talking, birds are chirping, there is a car in the distance, Suzy is clicking her pen. There are lots of tiny noises in the classroom. When I say something, the kids with the filter in their brain can just shut off these sounds and listen to me. They can choose what they want to listen to. But some kids don’t have this filter. They hear everything at once, so it’s hard for them to hear me. So if you talk, even if it’s silently, they will not be able to hear me because their brain cannot filter it out. Every brain is different”
From what I could tell, they seemed to understand that. Since I have the same trait due to ADHD, I could tell them that that’s how it works for me and why I need them to be extra quiet. Plus, I mentioned some kids in the classroom have the same brain function so we need to be aware of that (no names ofc). Worked like a charm for the listening practice.
Autism is such an extraordinarily large spectrum, it’s basically impossible to explain, I think. It’s much easier to explain certain traits an individual shows and show how they experience the world.
*I think I need to clarify something: the filter thing was just *one* example of *one* trait that *can* show that I drew from my practical experience. I would not explain a whole disorder that is as complex as autism to a 5-year old on a playground. I’d pick the trait that was being commented on and explain that by explaining it through the lense of the autistic kid, so the “every brain is different and here’s how they feel” route. So, autistic kid is rocking back and forth, kid wonders: explain stimming. Autistic kid screams at kid for touching them: explain sensory overload. Autistic kid is sorting the tools in the sandbox instead of playing with them and gets angry when you mess it up: explain the importance of routines. I find it hard to explain autism in a really short time as, again, it is so drastically complex and individual and personally, I’d try to avoid to accidently generalize it by trying to explain the whole disorder. “XY has a disorder that’s called autism and for them it means they do yx when you try because they yz…” is enough on the playground for a young kid
A normal brain filters out the majority of information your senses take in. People with autism don’t have that filter (to varying degrees). Actually experiencing ALL of the information your senses take in is overwhelming.
Sit down on a park bench and take the time to notice everything you can. What is every noise you can hear? What is every feeling you can feel from your head to your toes? How does your tongue feel in your mouth?
You had to deliberately concentrate to experience all of that, and even then, it was one by one. An autistic person experiences *all* of it *at the same time*. That makes it very difficult to take in the stuff people normally take in, like social cues, and it makes them easily bothered by things that don’t bother most people, because they’re already dealing with so much sensory input.
Everyone has a brain. Brains tell us how to think, feel, move, and sense things. Brains are wired up like a computer or other electronics with their own circuits and connections.
Autism is a different type of brain wiring that some people are born with. This different wiring means that interacting with others, communicating, understanding or expressing emotions or experiencing senses can be more difficult compared to how many people experience the world.
Many Autistic people have very strong hobbies and interests and like to do things in the same way again and again. This means some Autistic people can be really knowledgeable about the things they’re interested in, or get great joy from spending time doing them.
Many Autistic people feel calm when they follow a familiar routine and know what to expect. Changing things means uncertainty, so that can be scary. Some Autistic people might also enjoy certain sensations like rocking, spinning, bouncing, or fiddling with things, both because it helps them to stay calm when they get overwhelmed, or just because it feels really good!
Autistic people might communicate differently to people around them. Some Autistic people will sign, or not speak with words. Others can speak the same as others, but might use words differently, struggle to hear when people speak in a noisy environment, or find speaking difficult when they are upset. Autistic people might also not know how to understand the type of communication others do with their faces, bodies and tone of voice, which is called body language. Some Autistic people can learn to understand this over time, but it might take a bit of extra effort. Because of these communication differences, Autistic people and people who aren’t might have to work a bit harder to be friends with each other, and be patient. But that’s okay. Everyone can learn to be patient with time, even if it’s hard.
Being Autistic doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with a person. Everyone is different, and being Autistic is just the way that person is different. They will always be Autistic because it’s a way of being that you’re born with, like eye colour or hair colour.
Like everyone in the world, people who are Autistic might need some extra help sometimes to do things they want or need to do. But that’s okay. Everyone needs some help sometimes, and the differences everyone has make the world an interesting place to be. It would be boring if everyone was exactly the same!
This video is the [simplest explanation](https://youtu.be/RbwRrVw-CRo) for children I’ve found, and it works well for adults too.
Edit: This [one](https://youtu.be/MecSNTf4Rw0) is also good!
Further edit: More detail added.
I also like [this video](https://youtu.be/s9eATBV-_lg) – it references the outdated Asperger Syndrome but the metaphor is really solid in good Arthur fashion.
Further further edit: for the avoidance of doubt, I am an Autistic woman. I’m glad this explanation resonated with so many of you. It is imperfect because explaining a very complex topic along the lines of OP’s request was difficult, but I have tried to cover the basics.
Dont be afraid to talk to him like an adult, leave out the very complex words but a 9 yr old can understand more than u expect.
Just be honest, dont sugar coat it.
I think almost all variations of “a cool way that could preserve his self esteem” is basically always going to benefit you, not anyone you are talking to. Regardless of how you “mean” it, it is going to come across as condescension. And if we are being honest, and not so kind, it will BE condescension.
If you can [think of/experience] your 9 year old son as “different in predictable ways, not better, not worse” then your description of himself to him, will come across as “different, not better, not worse”. If your internal monologue is “oh, poor kid, he is Autistic” then whatever you say is going to carry that diminutive pity along with it.
He is different.
He will experience some things with greater intensity.
He will almost certainly miss certain social cues.
He may be somewhat face blind, and have trouble recognizing people, which will mean he may be exerting a lot of effort to simply figure out “who am I talking to”, and so not have the mental bandwidth to figure out the right social conventions until late in a conversation.
Social conventions may be things he needs explicitly explained to him, because he may have no instinct for them. The ones that need to be explained will need to be explained REPEATEDLY because they will barely stick, because what is instinctively normal to you and most people needs to be rote memorized to him, and that memorization is hard. And keeping track of 5 social conventions (rules) that other people instinctively intuit is HARD mental work.
Depending on how severe his autism he may fall into the “Uncanny Valley” where people identify him as “a little off” but not know why. That is socially absolutely brutal, cause people will instinctively otherize him, without knowing why (we humans like our groups to be uniform along some pretty weird dimensions, and we punish difference instinctively– and then give that punishment some OTHER reason that sounds right. “Black people are lazy cadillac welfare queens!” — and those other reasons sound and feel right because we really are punishing “different”. In this context, being a LITTLE autistic is worse than being A LOT autistic, because with a LOT Autistic people KNOW why they feel funny around him, and will compensate on their own. A little autistic just looks WEIRD. And human groups punish weird.
He is going to experience some or all of these things. That will be hard for him. He needs tools to understand what he is experiencing, and how to talk about it honestly. Some things can develop coping mechanisms. Some things are best dealt with by just saying “Hey, I am autistic. I am not gonna get some things” — which will help other people have a bucket for “why is he weird” which for the mostly decent set (which most of us are) will help them moderate their need to enforce group normalcy.
Just. I am a 47 year old man, who is academically intellectually gifted, who is autistic, and was diagnosed at 43. I have never been married, almost never have a girlfriend. People at work rely on me to do a ton of work and know stuff that other people don’t, and I am good at that. When I was 9 I needed my parents to help me understand that nothing was WRONG with me. I was sitting in the back of class reading all the books on Astronomy and memorizing all the fact about planets (their density, diameter, orbital diameter, inclination, orbital period, etc. etc.) cause I was safe there, in those books. I was tall, and strong, and while my had eye coordination wasn’t GREAT, it was average, and boy could I kick or hit a ball — but I was always picked last in any sports game. I couldn’t understand why, so I thought it must be something intrinsically wrong with me.
I didn’t need someone who would tell me my social isolation was fine, cause hey I knew all these facts about astronomy, and could solve the 6th grade math contests (while also failing the classroom math I was doing). I needed tooling help with the social isolation. And to BE loved.
I want to chime in here with a slightly different perspective. I am autistic, and my child is autistic.
We both fall in the realm of “sensory seeking” autistics, something that is rarely talked about. For example, I like having all the lights on as bright as possible. My child will make noise to fill a quiet room. We spin and flap and tap and show our joy through movement, and sound. And we both shut down, be still be quiet, to show our pain.
Something that I think is missing throughout the conversations and representations of autism, is that emotions are also a sense. (everything in life is experienced as sensory input or output, with perhaps a grey area concerning thoughts, but hey, those are electrical outputs that connect to the rest of the body). Whilst I may love bright lights, and loud music, the experience of a strong negative emotions can cause me to become catatonic, and non-verbal. The experience of a strong positive emotion cannot be contained to just my thoughts, it flows out of me like a dance.
Briefly touching on high and low support needs, (I’m sure others have mentioned, but I haven’t read all the comments) , this is a fluctuating thing. Every day can be different. My needs change in response to the external world, and my internal world. This is the same for everyone, so to use these labels is at best, unhelpful. High support needs has become synonymous with non-verbal. But the term in actuality tells us nothing about a person, and what they may require in that moment.
Recognising that this is not much of a Eli5 comment, I will just mention how I explain autism to my child: everyone’s brains and experiences of life are different. Your type of brain has a name – autism, but that has been defined by others. Your strengths, and your weaknesses are your own. You may struggle with certain sounds, or foods, or textures. You may struggle with rules, and unfairness, and routines. All of your struggles are okay to have, and shame is not the path to love. How you communicate with some people will be more of a struggle than with how you communicate with others, and there will be people who don’t not understand all that you are. That is okay, it’s hard but it is okay. Find your people, and be true to yourself. Autism is a beautiful thing, if you surround yourself with those who see your beauty, and respect your struggles. You can learn new things– if you want to learn to communicate in a different way, you can, if you want to learn to change who you are, you can. But you do not need to. Everyone’s brain is beautiful, and everyone has struggles and successes.
I regularly bring up things from my life to my child that are directly related to my experience of autism. And I question them on their perceptions: if that texture was a sound, what would it be? What would be the absolute worst way to say hello to a friend, and the absolute best way? What’s something that adults do that makes no sense at all and what would you do instead?
I guess these aren’t so much about explaining autism as they are accepting oneself, but I have in the past gone through lists of diagnostic criteria, and other people’s lived experiences, and we’ve talked about “oh yeah, I get that too” or “hmm, I don’t know if that’s me”. The isolation of being autistic and either not knowing, or not understanding what that meant, had profound impacts on me, and I want my child to understand that they are not alone in their differences, and that their struggles are not some moral failing.
Anyway this got long and rambly and I’m not sure if I even answered the question correctly. For what it’s worth, my child is 10, and has been diagnosed since they were 2, so we’ve had a lot of time to talk. When they were younger, I made a joke out of catching myself doing things, and yelling “hey look, it’s the autism!” and doing a silly dance. They can identify that for themselves now, which is helpful at times when they’re being a brat, and they can say to me “it’s not the autism this time, I’m just being a butthead” 😂
Anyway. Good thread. Good question. Sorry for the rambling.
Latest Answers