eli5 what is disassociating? Tried looking online but I don’t understand.
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I have depersonalization, too, along with trauma based dissociation.
It’ll feel like I’ve been pushed to the back of my skull and my body is acting independently. Sometimes it’s an extreme freeze response (I can’t move at all), other times my body does an action on autopilot and it’s like I’m watching from the back of my head. If I’m in that state and doing a thing like playing a video game, my body acting independently can result in mistakes I wouldn’t usually make because it gets stuck in a motor pattern (like muscle memory) that may not apply to that moment in game. For example, I’ll go into the pause menu over and over, or be trying to get back out of it but click the options or settings over and over instead.
The depersonalization feels like I’m no longer a real human. It can happen when I’m ignored because someone didn’t hear me talk (I’m a quiet speaker). I’ll get this sudden feeling like everyone else is real but I’m a ghost, I’m not really there, I’m the only one who can see and hear me, etc. It happens more often when I’ve had trauma dreams the night before (cptsd is a bitch).
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