Eli5 where is the disconnect when you think you’re acting a certain way but it’s coming across to other people differently , negatively or positively.

230 views

Eli5 where is the disconnect when you think you’re acting a certain way but it’s coming across to other people differently , negatively or positively.

In: Other

Lack of EQ, or emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is ones ability to be in tune with their emotions and behaviors and how others perceive those actions/behaviors. There’s certainly far more to it than that, but it’s an amazing skill to develop for personal and professional reasons. Just practicing a bit of EQ everyday with your coworkers or significant other can make a world of difference in all those relationships.

Everyone has different experiences, agendas and presumptions.

Going super basic. If your boss writes you up for being late, you may think he is a dick for not letting you off the hook once. Your boss may have been though an arbitration where one employee thought he wasn’t being consistent. That employee could be a trouble maker and won the arbitration. Now your boss is partial to be as “by the book as possible.”

You’re paradigm is “I’m a hard worker I deserve a break.”

Your boss’s paradigm is “if I don’t hold everyone accountable, the bad employees will continue to drag us all down”

This is the most basic. Some people are really good at being able to understand others views (many can do this). And some people are really good at being able to truest appreciate others views (few can). Being able to appreciate others views and acting accordingly is huge for building your life socially.

Edit: I am not particularly good at either, however it is a skill you can soft teach with books so I’m slowly working on it

* You already know what vibe you are *intending* to give off, so your brain is going to pick up on the things that reinforce that idea.
* But your friends/co-workers etc don’t always know how you are trying to come off and so it’s not as obvious to them.
* A great example of this is you skill as a driver.
* Most people think they are great drivers and that there friends aren’t as good.
* Why?
* Because when *you’re* driving, you body subconsciously prepares for the actions you’re about to take like braking or turning the wheel, so when they happen you’re not surprised.
* But when you’re the passenger, you don’t have that subconscious awareness so you end up “feeling” things like braking and slight wheel movements more and you think your friend is a more aggressive driver than you are.