I have many friends and friends of friends that are in a constant need of being in relationship. If they aren’t in a relationship, they suffer a long slope downward to depression. I have friends turn atrociously down bad for girls/guys because they aren’t committing to a relationship. Can anybody explain to me why loneliest kills people more than others?
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As far as the drive goes – Humans have evolved over millions of years to be social creatures because it literally was life and death for the vast majority of our history and the history of our evolutionary ancestors. And to some extent today.
Most humans lived in small communities – either rural or urban, farming and/or performing trades with those around them. Being rejected from the community means you may not be able to trade for things you can’t get yourself. If you don’t farm, you can’t get food. If your farm tools break, you might not be able to get replacements. Shoes get holes in them, the cobbler may tell you to go pound sand. So maintaining a positive or at least neutral relationship with those in your community could literally be a manner of life or death.
Furthermore, raising children was crucial to long-term survival. Farming, especially pre-industrial farming is EXTREMELY HARD, and being able to produce enough food, without fail for yourself all by yourself is much more difficult than producing enough food for 2 adults and 3 children, with 2 adults and 3 children to help. Much less when you’re no longer in your 20s with a super resilient body.
Beyond that, there’s a lot of societal messaging that puts a TON of value on having a partner. People that cannot find a partner are often ridiculed. In some cases a partner, even a poor one may make someone feel safe. If someone feels bad about themselves or is unhappy, constantly being around someone (even someone shitty) is a distraction.
Read up on codependency. There are a lot of people who struggle to develop a sense of self worth or personal identity without the validation of a partner.
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