Many of these types of cannibalistic insects and spiders are opportunists who eat whatever they can catch and usually stay away from each other except to mate. Even baby spiders run from and eat each other upon hatching. Cannibalism actually isn’t that common in mating unless the female is starving.
For spiders, their life cycle and reproductive cycle come into play. Spiders like the Black Widow don’t mate throughout their lives like humans and other animals. They spend their whole lives hunting to survive and grow to maturity, and they reach sexual maturity at the end of their lives. During or shortly after mating, the male spider will die regardless of whether he’s eaten by his mate. If his mate is short on nutrients to reproduce, she may eat him.
Praying mantis can mate multiple times, and they do- unless a male mates with a starving female. Again, not common in the wild. It’s generally been observed in captivity when a scientist deliberately introduces sexually mature males to sexually mature, starved females.
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