I understand that this is considered a mental health disorder and I’m sure there is a reason why but Mayo Clinic says that mania is characterized by an extremely elevated and excitable mood. It sounds to me like I would enjoy being elevated and excited. Now I totally can see why depression would suck in the case of bipolar especially oscillating between the two, but unipolar mania is a thing too.
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I suffer from hypomania. It’s not as bad as the full blown thing.
At first, it’s great. I get the energy to clean up my house. I get the motivation to work on projects. But soon, I’m staying up until 4am when I’ve got work at 7am. Before long, I’m exhausted, but I can’t feel it. Stress builds, and I start to get frustrated that my body can’t do what my brain wants it to. A listless, angry mood starts to take over the happy times, and then I start to snap. I’m so frustrated that all the work I put into my projects turns back against itself, and I start to feel like I’ll never be able to finish. I get physically sick when I think about all the work that’s left, and I start to avoid the project, but I don’t stop thinking about it. Sometimes, I get the urge to burn it all down and start over. I cycle into depression for several months, where I can’t get out of bed, don’t have the energy to do anything but tread water at best. Every day is a living hell and I want to die. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t clean myself. I can’t brush my teeth. All I can do is the bare minimum to stay alive.
Then the cycle starts over, and I get the energy to fix things that I’ve let slide. But the energy doesn’t come back for the same things I was working on last time. I’m excited about something else, and have zero control over what my brain is telling me is a good project to take on this time, so I start another big project.
Mania isn’t fun, and while it can sometimes result in good things, the cost to your mind and body is too high. The worst bit? When you’ve medicated the mania away for long enough, you start to miss how superhuman you felt when you were manic, and start to feel like that’s the level of work you should be able to put in 24/7. You lose perspective on what a healthy work balance is, and are constantly at risk of thinking you are teetering on the edge of a depressive episode, when you are just baseline because of the medication.
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