I have a majorly embarrassing fear of surgery. It is so irrational that I will put off procedures that I need. I’m afraid that when I’m under anesthesia that I could wake up, or I could have awareness/feel pain and not be able to communicate it to the surgical team. I’ve heard that they give you drugs so you don’t remember at all- my anxiety-ridden brain wonders if we are all suffering during the procedure and we just forget upon waking. I understand that quite a few folks will require surgery during their lifetime. I have had IV sedation during procedures, and despite having no problems, I am utterly terrified. Please tell me about how ridiculous I am being.
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Some good advice here already, but want to reiterate from the patient side of things how it feels (for me anyway). I’ve had two ortho surgeries over the past six months, I got my tonsils out when I was 19, my wisdom teeth out shortly thereafter, and was once put under for an endoscopy. Every single time I have been put under anesthesia, I have been knocked the fuck out, pretty much instantly. In my experience, I haven’t even had time to feel anxious about it. Usually, the anesthesiologist will say something to the effect of “okay, you should start to feel a bit sleepy now,” or something to let you know they’ve started to administer the drugs. Once they asked me to count to ten. I literally barely heard them finish the sentence. I was out. It’s like falling asleep very hard and very quickly. The next thing I remembered was waking up. Eyes closed in the OR one second, eyes open in recovery the next second. There’s nothing in between, and it will be over so fast you won’t even have time to perceive it.
All this being said, be honest with your anesthesiologist about your fears. In all the procedures I’ve had, during prep when I’m lying in the hospital bed waiting to be taken into the OR, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me. They want to make sure they have your weight right, that they know all the medications you’re taking, etc. This is your chance! Tell them that you are terrified. They will have heard it before and they will be able to explain to you exactly what is going to happen, which will hopefully have a calming effect. The best thing you can do for yourself is be honest with all of your providers about your concerns.
Also, based on some responses here, I want to clarify. No, your fears are not ridiculous, in that many people also have the same fear and anxiety. It’s common. Yes, your fears are ridiculous in that what you’re afraid of is SO unlikely to happen. (1 in 19,600 patients wake up during surgery, or .005% of all patients.) I only say this because I get anxious too, and when I say, “please tell me how dumb I’m being,” and someone’s response is, “no, you’re not being dumb at all!” I think, “see, I knew it, I knew there was something worth being afraid of.” Hopefully this makes sense.
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