How do sexual kinks/fetishes develop?
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tldr: some kinks develop from experiencing trauma and developing coping mechanisms to process that trauma.
not speaking for all kinksters, but for a fairly large group of traumatised individuals, it’s been agreed that our kinks develop through trauma. someone with abandonment wounds caused by an abusive / absent parent figure may develop infantilism / age-regressive role play fetishes. rape and sexual assault victims may develop BDSM and CNC kinks. so on and so forth.
in my case, my kink for BDSM developed after a rape that heavily involved such elements like dominance, sadism, bondage, sexual torture, physical pain, asphyxiation (context: rapist was a sadist with a crying kink, put me in a world of physical pain to make me cry so he could get aroused). i tend to end up replaying the elements of my assault in play sessions with safe individuals — bondage, physical pain, extreme dominance, forced stimulation, soft and hard choking, basically being used like a wh*re the same way he made me out to be. kind of got into CNC gb’s (like MMMMMMF) as well as it made me feel most used, most worthless, most helpless.
I did it somewhat self-destructively at the time but slowly learned to appreciate the notion of ultimate control during submission (your safe word ends up being the most important thing in a scene, you have the power to put things to a hard stop even if he is dominating). many victims / survivors of rape and abuse get into either dom/domme or sub roles and engage in kink because it gives them power that was taken away during the assault.
[this article on coping theory is actually a pretty easy-to-digest article on a psychological perspective for how and why coping mechanisms develop.](https://positivepsychology.com/coping-theory/#psychology)
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