How do sexual kinks/fetishes develop?
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I think I can safely my Kindergarten teacher started my nylons and flats kink. During story time I remember sitting in front listening, but staring at her legs. She always wore nylons and flats, and to this day……….
As /u/sylverbound noted, it’s never a case of nurture ***vs*** nature, but instead, nature ***with*** nurture. Epigentics is starting to take off as a field of research and I suspect in most cases, that preferred behavior (whether that’s kink-related or simply routine and habitual behaviors) is a result of nature (e.g., genetic predispositions, generational trauma [which is oddly significant in regards to sexual activities], etc.) and nurture (upbringing, socioeconomic status, etc.). The two are inter-related; changes in one’s nurture can arouse changes in one’s nature (epigentics).
For some people, it starts simple, with a funny r/fart. But if you enjoy it too much you end up in r/fartwars.
Soooo no one really knows for sure how people end up with weird sexual fetishes and stuff, you know? Some people think it’s about what you’re exposed to and what you learn from it. Like, if you have a really hot and steamy experience with a certain type of thing, you might start thinking about it all the time and wanting to do it again. Others think it might have to do with past experiences or psychological associations. Like, maybe something happened to you that made you really love or hate a particular object or activity, and now you can’t get enough of it (or can’t stand the sight of it).
And some people think it might just be in your DNA or your brain chemistry. Like, maybe you were born with an extra gene that makes you want to dress up in rubber suits and pretend to be a giant hamster or something (no judgment here).
But the bottom line is, it’s all good. Kinks and fetishes are just part of being human, and there’s no such thing as “normal” or “weird” when it comes to what turns you on. Just make sure you always communicate with your partner and get their consent before trying anything new, because that’s the most important thing. And if you’re both into it, go for it!
Epigenetics. Your great-great-great-great-great grandmother liked getting spanked… therefore, you now have the chance of also enjoying spankings.
I don’t think we know for sure and there are a lot of theories. Coming from a biological perspective, I know one of the theories has to do with our brain’s “sensation mapping.” A part of our brain is responsible for sensing touch stimulus, and it’s essentially mapped out to different parts of the body. For example one part senses when your foot is touched (“stimulated”) and another part senses when your genitals are touched/stimulated. A theory for things like foot fetishes specifically is that these two parts of the brain are very closely linked in some people, so feet end up being tied up with the pleasure center. Just a theory, and if it is true it really only explains a handful of fetishes. It doesn’t explain more subjective/psychological kinds like degradation, etc.
Here’s a Lacanian psychoanalytic perspective. Please research this subject yourself and take my summary with extreme scrutiny, it’s a hard thing to describe and summarize. This explanation is metaphorical and does not necessarily **literally** happen.
FOREWORD:
This is a theory of the unconscious or literally, that which we do not know. We can observe the unconscious working through our actions and our conscious thoughts, and dreams, etc. We can literally never observe the unconscious **directly**, as that would make the idea itself completely meaningless and defeats the actual definition itself.
Essentially, as we mature from being babies, there comes a time in which we realize we are not the sole (only) **desire** of our mOther (the primary caretaker, gender irrelevant). Practically speaking, we see the mOther is occupied with *something* else; be it a job, the father, etc. We can say the mOther is *lacking* something. We love and want the mOthers attention. So there is a choice for the infant or child to make. i) accept that *I* can never be the object that the mOther desires, there will always be something beyond me which I cannot fulfill or ii) Try to become the mOthers imaginary object of desire, try to become the thing she desires beyond me, try to *fill the lack*. This scenario, the realization that the mOther desires something beyond me is called castration; (i) is the acceptance of castration, (ii) is the denial of castration.
If the baby chooses (i), It is acceptance of a sad and empty reality and the loss of an intense pleasure, HOWEVER, it allows the subject to exist indepently, not as the tool or object of the mOther (a tool being that the baby chooses to use themselves to try to be the object of desire of the mOther). This allows them the space to build up their life symbolically.
If the baby chooses (ii), they retain the pleasure of being the object of desire of the mother: “Hmmmm look at me! I can be the object of desire, woo hoo!!!!!” Mind you, this is an extremely intense pleasure, not to be scoffed at. HOWEVER, there is an overbearing proximity of the mOther-child relationship. You could say there is no **law** to mediate the mOther-child relationship, after all, if the child exists as instrument / tool for the mOther, than the mOther is the absolute law, commanding the child what to do or how to be.
Continuing on for choice (ii). So, in the case of a fetish let’s say, the child invents an object that mediates the relationship. Essentially, the chosen object (usually a physical object or scenario) acts as a third party to the dyadic beyween mOther and child, instead of mOther-child, its mOther-child-object. This object provides extreme relief for the child, as it allows them a space or interest away from the “mOther” (again not necessarily female, just the primary care taker). The relief is from the pressure / pleasure to be the mOthers object. If you think about a scenario, if one could be high from drugs as much as they want whenever they want, it might feel good at first for x amount of time, but sooner or later, this pleasure becomes overwhelming and noxious and we just want it to stop and it doesn’t bring pleasure anymore so much so as it feels painful.
So essentially, the fetish is a creative way to separate oneself from the overproximity of the mOther and introduce a third party or a symbolic law, which gives the subject more space to live and exist in.
AFTERWORD:
JUST BECAUSE ONE HAS A “FETISH” DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE WAY I EXPLAINED ABOVE IS THE REASON. This is a *theory*. Some theories can be wrong, others go through drastic updates and revisions along their lifetime, and of course, some can be proven.
It is important to note that a person can have a fetish even after “accepting castration,” also known as scenario (i). Conversely, a person who picks scenario (ii) might not have a fetish. Here are some things to think about.
Firstly, the word fetish can mean different things for different people. I can view someone as having a fetish when they themselves feel they don’t have a fetish. Conversely, I can view someone as not having a fetish when they themselves feel they have a fetish.
Secondly, it is important to realize that the fetish itself is sometimes not as important as the subject’s relationship to it. A person can have a “fetish” and really hate it, feel embarrassed about it, and want to get rid of it. Conversely, that same person could love their “feitsh,” feel enjoyment and satisfaction from it, and want to share it with others. We can see these are drastically different scenarios and only through years of intense psychoanalysis can we get an idea of how this “fetish,” if we can even call it that, functions in a persons relationship to themselves and others.
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I remember my parents didn’t want to waste the bathtub water, but we were too old to bathe with my sister, so my sister went first and then left her barbies to bathe with me. I can still remember that the barbies were fully clothed, but their shoes were off and it made me feel guilty for seeing their feet. You can piece together where that led.
I spent my youth in and out in hospitals. Nurses are damn hot for me. While stockings and clogs are better than fishnets and stilettos for me
Edit: In hindsight this is how they persist on a species/population level rather than how they develop/originate within an individual. But ya runaway selection, worth the read
Scrolled a bit and saw a lot of recurring answers, but not what I’m about to say. It’s known as runaway selection. I’ll explain it here, feel free to look it up in case I miss something/get something slightly off, but basically it’s a hypothesis for why so many birds of paradise (among other species/animals found in nature) have such elaborate features and mating preferences. And I think it can be extended to kinks and fetishes, which are just really weird mating behaviours and preferences in humans. The hereditary ones anyway.
Let’s say hypothetically, you have a population of a certain species of bird living within a defined geographical area. This population could have hundreds of thousands, or even millions of individuals. And let’s say a small fraction (x%) of the males have some visually distinctive feature that the majority of these birds don’t have, due to random genetic mutation. It could be a patch of a certain colour somewhere on the body, a crest on the head, a tuft on the breast, an unusually long tail, anything like that. Now let’s also suppose that a small fraction (y%) of the females in this population have a preference for this trait in the males; they find these males rather attractive, while the “normal” females don’t care for (or are even put off by) this trait.
If one of these x males and y females mate together, what happens? The genes for this trait get passed on to the male offspring, and the genes for the preference for this trait get passed on to the female offspring. This creates a positive feedback cycle, where the presence of the x trait and y preference continually increase over generations of mating cycles within the population, hence the name “runaway” selection.
Naturally, there are controlling factors at play. A bright colourful patch might make you more attractive to potential mates, but if it’s TOO flashy it can also make you more visible to predators. Similarly, a long tail might make you attractive, but if it’s TOO long it slows you down when flying, making it harder to hunt and eacape predation. Eventually, an equilibrium is reached in the population between the positive feedback cycle that is pushing in favor of x trait, and the controlling factors in the environment that push against it.
I know this has been 4 long paragraphs about pretty birds, but the key is the positive feedback cycle between a trait and a preference for said trait, assuming of course the trait and preference are both genetic/hereditary. So, maybe if you’re a sadist and your partner is a masochist, your kids will be the same. Or if you like eating shit and your partner likes shitting in your mouth, your kids will be a bunch of shit faced fucks. Whatever fucked up kinda shit you’re into, there’s someone out there that is into it. Find them, and together you can release more disgusting sick fucks like yourself into the world.
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