I read a post somewhere where OP was saying how they had experienced severe bullying as a child and as they progressed with therapy as an adult, their sexual kinks (all revolving around humiliation, degradation and the like) were starting to disappear, and they no longer felt turned on by the subject as they worked through their traumas in therapy.
That got me thinking… I know it’s a defense mechanism to turn pain into an idea of pleasure, but on the surface it just seems so illogical that the mind gets programmed to seek out what has harmed it in the past. Can anyone explain to me how that works/what’s the point of it?
In: Other
Bit of a trigger warning; talking about traumas. To add to the comments about control specifically, often shame is associated with trauma, whether it be sexual assault, religious deconstruction, LGBT+ thoughts and experiences, physical abuse, or emotional manipulation. Shame is also often associated with sex, such as masturbating in private or having “deviant” sexual preferences. As a way to hide the shameful/traumatic phenomena, sometimes it can be easy to subconsciously put it in the other “shame bucket.” This is useful, since it’s already normal to avoid talking about sexual kinks in everyday society, so it’s a way to hide those parts of you associated with shame, fear, and trauma.
For example, many trans people (and especially trans women) go through a phase in their transition journey where they consider being the other gender to be a sexual kink. That’s because the prospect of accepting being trans is associated with the fear and difficulty of the trans journey; the rejection, the uncertainty, bullying, learning to be a totally different person in public, etc. As a form of denial and hiding those thoughts and feelings, many trans folks consider that it is just a sexual thing that can be kept in the bedroom (usually privately) or sexual fantasies. I’ve had that journey myself, and I’ve seen other trans folks talk about it as well.
Latest Answers