I read a post somewhere where OP was saying how they had experienced severe bullying as a child and as they progressed with therapy as an adult, their sexual kinks (all revolving around humiliation, degradation and the like) were starting to disappear, and they no longer felt turned on by the subject as they worked through their traumas in therapy.
That got me thinking… I know it’s a defense mechanism to turn pain into an idea of pleasure, but on the surface it just seems so illogical that the mind gets programmed to seek out what has harmed it in the past. Can anyone explain to me how that works/what’s the point of it?
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The mind can sometimes turn traumatic experiences into sexual fantasies or kinks as a way of regaining control over painful emotions. When someone experiences trauma, especially humiliation, abuse, or bullying, it can create intense feelings of helplessness and loss of control. Eroticizing the trauma is one way the mind tries to cope by “reframing” that painful experience into something that feels pleasurable or within their control.
Here’s how it can work: when the mind eroticizes a traumatic experience, it’s almost like tricking itself into thinking, “If I choose this situation, and I’m in control of it, then it’s not hurting me anymore—it’s something I want.” By doing this, the person can feel more powerful or safe because they’re controlling the narrative and the outcome. It’s a way to process the trauma without reliving the helplessness.
As people work through their trauma in therapy, they begin to heal those wounds and no longer need to use eroticization as a coping mechanism. They regain control in a healthier way, and the need to turn trauma into pleasure fades because they no longer need that defense mechanism. Instead of re-experiencing pain through a kink, they can process it, understand it, and move beyond it.
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