How would you explain what borderline personality disorder is to someone who doesn’t have it?
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It’s an emotional regulation disorder. Things that might hurt us a little emotionally or make us feel loved will make an individual with BPD feel extreme forms of those emotions. This creates stress in their social relationships which feeds into their BPD symptoms. Internally it can lead to intense feelings of loneliness and abandonment which can cause self harm or suicide.
BPD is a disorder in a person’s understanding of other people.
A person ***G*** with BPD meets person ***H***, and is impressed by them. In ***G***’s eyes, ***H*** becomes an excellent example of humankind. ***H*** can do no wrong, and ***G*** is ***H***’s biggest fan.
Until ***H*** does something that ***G*** doesn’t like, and then ***H*** falls from glory, and now ***G*** believes that ***H*** can do nothing right.
Best way I’ve heard it described is:
People have skin to protect us, so a person with no skin would feel extreme pain at even being touched.
People with BPD have little to no “emotional skin,” so they can feel extreme emotional pain in response to small triggers.
For example: Boyfriend hasn’t texted in several days. Person without BPD might be miffed. Person with BPD has a brain that informs them “he’s abandoned you, now you are completely alone in the world,” maybe with a side of “he abandoned you just like everyone always does because you are such a piece of shit and you deserve it.”
The person might try to hurt or kill themselves because they feel shattered, are desperate to escape from excruciating emotional pain, and/or feel self-loathing.
The person might also take frantic actions to bring bf back and thus relieve emotional pain. For example, self-harming so bf will come to the hospital.
It’s worth noting that there is a LOT of overlap between symptoms of BPD and Complex PTSD.
longing for a deep connection with everyone you meet even when it isn’t appropriate, and feeling like you don’t deserve it when you get it
Coming from someone with multiple relatives with borderline and who was also subject to their abuse it is important to highlight their instability. Here’s how I describe it to my friends:
it’s a syndrome characterized by mood swings, outbursts, and unstable relationships. They are easily inflamed if they feel judged or rejected and are characteristically known to resort to social, emotional, or sexual manipulation to obtain closeness or protect their self image. it’s the result of very low distress tolerance.
As I understand it, Everything is black and white, no gray areas. Good or bad, something can’t be just ok. An item it’s either the best thing in the world or its complete garbage. A person is either a perfect saint the agrees with everything you say, or a wicked evil villain that must be hated. It very difficult if not impossible to comprehend a middle ground.
Usually it’s not that extreme and can be tempered by the rational part of their brain, but this the sort of thing that goes on in their mind.
It causes someone to have a very hard time regulating emotions. There can often be no middle ground in terms of how they feel about something or someone. You are either their enemy, or they are obsessed with you. They can be extremely depressed, and feel terrified of being unloved or abandoned, constantly asking if you love them, wanting reassurance or they can fly off the handle with rage and irrationality, and hate you with extreme prejudice.
It can also manifest in compulsive behaviors like sexual obsession, or shopping obsession. They can be hoarders, but not necessarily in the cesspool/filthy way you see on those shows, but an addiction to buying things.
My step mom growing up most likely had BPD.
The way I explained it as I got older – think about someone who is bi-polar rapid cycling. One min everything is fine, next min triggered by something and it is the end of the world. The drama triangle is a real thing. Where if their “person” shows kindness towards another the BPD sufferer draws the conclusion that they are no longer valid. This can lead to abuse, malice towards the “other”, irrational conclusions.
It’s a vicious cycle.
For those you you that struggle with this (or have a relationship with someone that does) – how do you manage this? Is there a way to help someone that has this? I have a family member that I speculate might have this and it’s draining for me to interact with them. They say they are going to see a professional for help but they’ve said that for months.
If it wasn’t a family member I would honestly not engage with them.
BPD is like everything is on 10, but you don’t know that it’s on 10. It feels right to you. Imagine a stereo that someone glued the volume all the way up, and that loud is all you know. Meanwhile everyone else has a dial they adjust for volume.
In my life there’s a real vibe of: It’s not that **I** am mad that someone just called a person a slur in public, it’s that **EVERYONE ELSE** isn’t mad like they should be.
There’s a real feeling of, “why am I the only one who cares?”, regardless of if I am, indeed, the only one who cares.
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