Yes, there are rules based on the reaction, which one is doing the oxidising.
In the case of nitrogen and oxygen, oxygen is the more reactive of the two and so is “responsible” for the reaction occuring, it oxidises nitrogen, not the other way around.
The same would go for fluorine, where it’d be a fluoride. And apparently ammonia (nitrogen and hydrogen) is a hydride.
But in basically all other cases you have other molecules where nitrogen is doing the oxidising, in which case they’re called nitrides.
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