I never really understood the whole ordeal with social anxiety and I am kinda ignorant when it comes to what it involves how does it shut people down . I understand when someone is shy they just need to warm up to come out of there shell where I’ve heard that social anxiety is not the same
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Would you understand an absolute fear of snakes? Spiders? I mean, the bite of the more poisonous ones could kill, so it’s understandable.
Now imagine someone who’s been traumatized by a teacher or a parent, emotionally abused to the point where it became extremely important to them to *avoid* ever getting into that situation ever again. Much like the extreme importance of never getting near a poisonous snake. The same response of freezing and fear can be triggered by words or a look of hatred, or a situation where your friends could possibly hate you, etc.
An anxiety is an emotional response, and can’t always be controlled. Your blood pressure spikes, you feel like you need to *get away now*, etc., basically a panic attack. Just like you’d probably have if you saw an actual snake right next to you.
Not everyone is a social butterfly. Society is a hierarchy and some ppl have negative social experiences and resign themselves to a negative social experience vs fighting to climb the social ladder. Others are forced there due to malicious ppl in social situations. In any hierarchy there will be winners and losers. Some learn in school that they are not default “popular” and instead of finding a smaller social group to belong to, they isolate and become further and further distant from the social sphere. Incel’s are a small microcosm of “socially anxious” ppl. Any way, we are social creatures and it’s not normal to never like social situations at all.
My brother in law was a band member in school and a certifiable genius (a Rhodes Scholar level intelligence). He never quite fit in due to being skipped a grade compounding w his natural lower place on the social hierarchy. He quit band early and only played his instrument at home, learning online. He never overcame this and isolated. Always. College was a pain for him but he got through his masters degree in 4.5 years. He attempted to “come out of his shell” doing play by play for an Esports event where he was savaged by commenters. That was eight years ago. Now he works from his apt, has groceries delivered to him, is morbidly obese, and comes out of his apt sporadically. He only has online friends and none irl. He doesn’t meet any of his online friends. Ever.
My wife had much the same upbringing and intelligence/band experience. She found a small group of friends through band and in class and hungout w them throughout school. She made new friends in college and, while also never popular, she has grown each year I have known her and is an avg social human these days, looking fwd to social experiences instead of dreading them. Some ppl allow defeat to defeat them. Others take it as a challenge and overcome. The ones whom don’t take up the challenge and stop trying tend to gravitate towards social anxiety and social repression.
Imagine not being able to walk down a grocery store aisle because there is someone else standing in it. You go to the next aisle and someone is also there. Now imagine you can’t leave the store because there is no empty aisle. This is not being shy, this is being crippled because you fear you will have to say excuse me to the person.
I have to take medications just to be able to leave my house, and there are days when I just can’t. I have good days where I can go to the store and walk down the aisle with people. I can even go for coffee with a friend. Sometimes, these ups can last for weeks so I do everything I can to prepare for the times when I can’t do anything.
I loved the Covid shut downs – my country had three. No forcing myself to socialize, less people in the stores, less having to pretend to be normal. My anxiety was so low, and it was the perfect break to help deal with some issues that needed attention.
Someone who gets nervous because the have to make a presentation at work does not have social anxiety. Everyone gets nervous at times. Social anxiety is a life altering condition that leaves you not being able to function in regular society.
Speaking as someone who’s had severe social anxiety since a very early age, some people appear to just be that way. Like all psychological disorders, the current consensus is that it is a product of both genetic and environmental factors. I’m other words, it’s nature **and** nurture.
And to echo what’s been said by others, anxiety (as a group of disorders) is generally much more severe than people think. I don’t just get a little nervous in crowds or other overwhelming social situations. I have a panic attack. Once the adrenaline hits my system, I absolutely will do anything necessary to get out of that place. I will go over or through people to get out. If I can’t, I will generally pass out or at least shut down more or less completely. It’s a full-on fight or flight response no different than the one you might see from a drowning man or on a battlefield.
The good news is that, with the right medication and therapy, I can generally get through it without it coming to that. I might not enjoy being at a party or concert. I might even leave early or more likely just not go. I won’t, however, have a panic attack that could see me hurt myself or others. I’ve even gotten to the point where I enjoy public speaking and giving presentations in meetings and so forth.
Social anxiety to me is having a million things to say, but then saying the wrong thing too late. Just like this post, I can write whatever I want to but 99% of the time it will come out wrong misunderstood, and probably just piss people off. English is words are made full of assumptions of what words mean, and have a whole layer of subtext, and sometimes you don’t need to say all you can say so the words have to be filtered based on who you are talking to in what situation. Plus the eyes. I’m supposed to stare into your eyes enough to show I’m paying attention, but not too much as to not look like I’m falling deeply for your gaze. Then you can’t look too long either so where do you look? The nose? Forehead? Eventually you have to look them in the eyes, and the whole process starts all over again. All this is going on while trying to have a normal conversation about the weather or local sports team?
No thank you, id rather stay quiet.
I am not a psychologist, but I think social anxiety is when you have an irrational and extreme fear of social situations. I remember one time I decided to attend a work party that was on a hill. Anyways, once I got there I was overcome with nerves and decided to hide in the bushes. I called my friend and talked to her for awhile and then decided to hike down the hill and walk to the train station. It took me like 2 hours to get to the train station and then I went home. In hindsight it seems ridiculous to me. I think social anxiety can be in varying levels as I didn’t have too issues going in public places, but if I had to talk to people, it really stressed me out. I have instances where I would make a lot of excuses to not involve myself in social situations and even go to some great lengths to avoid them. Now, I just tell myself that they’re people and there’s really nothing to be afraid of at all.
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