Hi, I’m reading how to win friends and influence people and I’m struggling to understand what this means. I want to understand it so it makes sense to me.
my popularity my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in delaing with people
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He is basically saying that his sense of worth in life is ultimately dependent on what people think about him.
In this, he isn’t wrong. Yes, it’s possible to sink into an unhealthy, obsessive neuroticism about what other people think, to the point of paralysis. In order to prevent this, we often tell people to not worry about what other people think. That they have some kind of innate value or worth that not depend on other’s opinions.
But while this can lead people away from a dysfunctional extreme, it’s also just not true.
Your ability to find a partner and form a happy long-term relationships depends on what your partner thinks about you. Your ability to graduate from school depends on what your teacher thinks about you. Your ability to keep and hold a job depends on what your boss thinks about you. You can’t start or run a business if you don’t care what your customers think. Your ability to make and keep friends depends on what those friends think about you.
Yes, it’s critically important to not lose your sense of self in worrying about what others think to the point of dysfunction, but ultimately we are social creatures, and it is very hard to achieve any sense of happiness without some form of external validation. Humans need other humans to be successful and happy.
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