Type 1 here, who fully blacked out in a spell before finally being properly diagnosed and put on the magic salt. (Been happily balanced since.)
Being in a manic state is believing that anything is possible and it can feel so good, especially when framed with depression. Sometimes you see it, but just love the feeling and ride it out wherever it takes you; other times, it just feels like things are going well, until you realize you can’t sleep and people aren’t able to follow your thoughts and overly complex speech. It’s still more frustrating than anything when that happens. People can’t follow your magic. Maybe it’s their fault. We underrate how strong our perspective is to our daily life, and overrate our self-awareness. This is just the biggest possible example of that.
Post-manic spell, you crash. All your big ideas no longer seem to have much air in them. The notes you’ve taken and creative projects you began sometimes have some possibility in them, but often don’t. Your candle is nothing but a wick burnt on both sides. Lo and behold, you’re not the greatest.
Nowadays, sleep is the most important drug for my balance. I’m more creative than I was when I zigged and zagged because I put things together, plan, and execute. I’d be lying if I didn’t miss that electric feeling, but I’ve also never forgotten the feeling of being electrocuted.
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