What is “codependency” or a “codependent relationship” and how is it different or unhealthier than normal human relations where we depend on each other to survive?
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Codependency is two wounded people coming together to try and get their needs met from each other, but they end up wounding each other and themselves. They have adapted to life in an effort to get their needs met because their needs weren’t met when they were little. When they tried to voice their needs as children, they were shamed, punished, denied, and felt alone and abandoned. This led to a core belief in their not being enough, not being worthy, valuable or lovable. As a result, they have adapted survival techniques to try and get what they need and when they become adults, they don’t know any different and still look to others to try and fulfill their most basic core needs of acceptance, validation, love and respect and protection. Two wounded people coming together does not make for a healthy relationship. Healing must take place in each individual before they can come together and have a healthy relationship. They must heal from their shame or they will never be able to have a healthy relationship because all their relationships will be codependent and wounding.
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