What is “codependency” or a “codependent relationship” and how is it different or unhealthier than normal human relations where we depend on each other to survive?
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It’s important to realize that “codependency” did not originally mean anything about being dependent on each other, codependency as a term came out of alcoholism and addiction treatment and it referred to also being dependent on the substance that your partner is using. So a codependent partner wasn’t too dependent on her alcoholic husband, she was also in a way dependent on alcohol because of the way she enabled and took care of the addict.
The term has expanded beyond addiction to partners of those with serious mental illness, and now it’s used and misused in a much broader way than the term originally was for. Codependent partners often find purpose in caretaking, they find emotional satisfaction in trying to fix somebody, and they’re likely to focus on their partner over themselves regardless of whether it is healthy or good for either one of them. More specific modern definitions focus on the codependent’s inability to tolerate other people experiencing negative feelings or circumstances. This leads them to both override their own boundaries and the boundaries of others in order to control or fix the other person’s emotions or problems.
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