What is “codependency” or a “codependent relationship” and how is it different or unhealthier than normal human relations where we depend on each other to survive?
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Codependency is simply a lack of healthy boundaries. You are in a codependent relationship if another person tries to exert control in areas of your life that are yours to control (tell you what to do, what not to do, how to act, what to believe, what to wear etc). EI the abuser. You might also be in one if you have very little sense of self, don’t understand your own boundaries, let others dictate your life, allow other to abuse you. EI the enabler.
There’s usually an abuser and an enabler in regards to codependency. The abuser will make others feel they are too much, too little, mentally unwell, etc so they are more likely to stay in the “only place that will accept them,” do their bidding, and even become flying monkeys (used as a tool in social abuse). The enabler codependent usually takes the abuse, enables bad behavior, lies for the abuser and protects the abuser from legal/social accountability. You can see how this could create some really dangerous escalated situations over time.
Normal relationships do not cross these lines.
For example: Tim’s actions/opinions are not on Sally to rectify because she “knows better” than Tim. In a healthy relationship Sally sees Tim as a separate entity instead of trying to punish or change him using abuse tactics. Tim also would be secure enough to know when Sally is overextending and act accordingly.
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