What is “codependency” or a “codependent relationship” and how is it different or unhealthier than normal human relations where we depend on each other to survive?
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Usually what you’re talking about is an enabling partner of a bad behavior. Someone who drinks too much alcohol has a parent or spouse often who funds their lifestyle. If you look at morbidly obese people who are so large they can’t even walk, there’s usually someone who takes care of them but at the same time is giving them a completely absurd amount of food.
A codependent relationship is like two kids on a seesaw who can’t play well together. Let’s call them Kid A and Kid B. Kid A is always bossy, telling Kid B what to do, while Kid B feels lost without Kid A. They depend on each other too much and don’t have fun with other friends. It’s important for both kids to learn how to play independently and grow strong without always relying on each other.
more and more you will find therapists using the word enmeshment instead of codependency. small detail but I think it more clearly describes what’s going on.
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Looks like I’ve been in a lot of codependent relationships with my favorite pizza and Netflix shows.
My personal definition, fwiw, is when both parties are so emotionally dependent upon each other that they’re willing to overlook the fact that the relationship is generally unhealthy, and not making either of them happy. Basically just a reflection of the fact they’re not able to function independently.
I know that’s not the proper/official/formal definition, just how I see it, and how it’s probably most often used today.
Others may take it a step further, and use it to refer to any couple that really prefers to be with each other all the time, vs. apart. Even though they’re very happy as a result.
Codependency is a term most frequently used in relationships where one person is an addict. The addict depends on the non addict in particular ways and the non addict in an attempt to be needed enables the addicts behaviors. It’s not typically a conscious thing, instead they both enable unhealthy behaviors in the other which result in both people being dependent on the continuation of negative behaviors. It’s another term like narcissist that is grossly over and misused by people who are not actually therapists.
If after reading through some of these responses you realize you are really struggling with issues of codependency, you might want to consider seeking help with Codependents Anonymous at [coda.org](https://coda.org/). There are also relevant subreddits with valuable information and support.
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