– What is empathy and how does one feel it?

Question

I’m not sure what empathy is or how to feel it. It’s sometimes left friends and partners feeling frustrated with me when I can’t comfort them in the way they need and it causes me to be upset that I don’t understand it. I want to understand what it’s like.

Edit: tagged as chemistry because I guess technically it’s brain chemistry.

Edit: I’m talking about this issue with my therapist later today.

Edit: just got done with therapy. Turns out I do feel empathy, but it just comes off as not caring because I get frustrated that I can’t always figure out how someone needs to be comforted. I might look into getting tested for autism because it happens a lot.

In: 7230

Answer 1

Not a scientist/therapist.
What your friends/partners are asking of you is compassion. Empathy is the starting point to that.

Empathy is trying to gain the perspective of what someone is else might be feeling. Sometimes it may happen so that they are feeling helpless/anxious about a situation that may seem trivial to you or your attitude towards certain issues could be more of solving the matter rather than being consumed by the emotions/situation. It takes a lot build the resilience to not let emotions run over ourselves. Some are able to develop rather easily through either experience or support from others and some take a lot of time as they have not received the same support.
This is the point where compassion comes into play. Compassion could be holding their hand, actively listening and being supportive in ways you can. Eg. cook a meal when they’re not able to, express confidence in them in dealing with situation at hand, checking up on them frequently to see how they’re doing or if they need help.
I am not saying to solve their problem for them, but help them to take charge in life and you be the supporting role there.

I believe in you dude. It is a monumental task to be compassionate in these times. You are already on step 2. You are seeking the ways to be a better human, the wisdom to be one will follow.
If you’re a reader, some books about empathy/compassion could help. Reading/listening/watching people who have supported others would also be a good way to develop that. Empower others with your kindness. Much love brother.