UPDATE: wow, never thought this post would take off this much! thanks
In: Other
People tell me I’m good at my job. I’ve been doing it for over a decade. Some stuff I’ve worked on has gone on to win awards- and every single project I’ve ever worked on has been plagued with the thought of “they’re going to think I have no idea what I’m doing and maybe they’re right”, even though there’s tons of evidence that it’s a laughably incorrect thing to get anxious about. Every time. That’s imposter syndrome.
I’m sitting in an office making $30 an hour while my coworkers are making $20 in the field busting their ass, doing more physical work than me every day, bringing in the company income while I browse youtube. I used to do what they do out in the field, I have no college degree, there are people who have been here longer than I have, so why am I the one in this office when others have much more experience than I do? I fall asleep at my desk regularly. Sure every now and then I have to sign a thing saying a qualified individual who passed a test (me) acknowledges the information on the form is accurate, but I am not the only one in the office with that credential. I go home almost every day worrying that someone is going to realize actually what a waste of company profit I am and that I need to not spend the little bit of extra money I have on comfort food or nominal luxury so when I get fired I have some safety money until I can find another job at the bottom of another ladder where I probably need to be until I can actually prove myself to be worth a higher paying position, that I should only be in an administrative position like this when it feels right and I don’t feel so unqualified to be here.
That’s imposter syndrome.
Because the truth is that I often forget to consider the actual wealth of knowledge I have for my profession and often get asked questions of nuances I have retained, and commonly solve dilemmas in spite of ambiguity. I have a keen eye for successfully catching the minute but important details present in my line of work, and am naturally very thorough in the tasks I used to have to accomplish out in the field, making my review of those tasks at an administrative level helping to keep our company very efficient. The amount of subjects within this field I had to learn and continue to periodically get retested on to consistently prove my proficiency is why I’m able to legally provide the aforementioned signature. I am an expert in my field, and it’s not because I’m the best or the smartest, I am just reliable and deliberately keep up with these skills not because I’m paid to, ordered, or nagged to but because I give a shit about my abilities and about this career regardless of who’s paying: that’s why I was promoted, the owner of the company was looking to hire outside the company and every one of my superiors brought up my name instead. So I’m not an imposter, I deserved this and continue to prove my worth, I am made to be responsible for way more than my lesser paid colleagues (I could potentially go to prison for their mistakes if we weren’t as efficient in review) but because I don’t have a superiority complex, because I worked out in the field and did the dirty work for years, I feel equal to them and it feels unfair when it 100% is not. I need a reminder of this more often than seems necessary, and today this post served as that reminder 😀
The overwhelming sense that you aren’t as good (or the type of person) as people think you are
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Believing that everyone belongs in the room besides you, and that you’ll be exposed at any moment as a fraud.
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