I’ve noticed that most of the pain emotions I feel are guilt and shame as secondary emotions.
I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting this and experiencing relief, as I believe all of my primary emotions are legit to feel, therefore I see no reason to dwell on negative secondary ones.
But, they must be there for a reason, so I wonder if I can break something in my brain by ignoring something like this.
Thanks so much!
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We are social animals. We operate best when we can work together. In order to work together, we need to be able to put our own interests on the backburner to do things that are beneficial to others.
Guilt and shame encourage this social conformity. You feel guilt when you have wronged someone else, because people who feel guilty don’t harm people as much, and therefore are more successful as a tribe. Thus, guilt is evolutionarily beneficial. You feel shame when you have violated the social order and done something that your group disapproves of, because people who feel shame will follow the group more to avoid being outcast, and groups largely made up of people who like to fit in are also more successful, so shame is evolutionarily beneficial.
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