What is the Unified Field Theory of physics?

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In physics, there is a conflict between relativity, which applies on large-scales, and quantum mechanics, which applies to small-scales.

The problem is that when you measure things on a quantum mechanics level experiments will give results that say, “X will happen”. When you measure on a larger scale, relativity experiments will show that “Y will happen”. But nobody can properly explain how, for example, a bunch of particles, all demonstrably working under the “X will happen” theory (quantum mechanics) when taken one at a time will somehow do Y when they are measured as a group as predicted by relativity, or how they decide which rules to follow.

The Unified Field Theory, sometimes known as “the Theory of Everything”, is a much sought-after theory that will somehow explain how the two connect. It will explain how, for example, a group of particles that individually do X will somehow end up doing Y once enough of them are together, how to tell when they will do X or Y and why this will change, and otherwise connect quantum dynamics and relativity in a way that explains the disconnect.

Old physics joke:

Albert Einstein died and went to heaven. When he arrived he was taken before the Lord God Almighty.

“Albert, I was most impressed with your attempts to understand my creation, and very pleased that you, in your words, tried to ‘understand the mind of God’. I am minded to give you a boon. Of course, even you could not understand everything, so ask me a single question, no matter how complex, and I will tell you the anwer.”

Einstein says, “Oh Almighty, I spent the last years of my life seeking the answer to one question. If it pleases you, may I have the Unified Field Theory?”

God smiles. “I thought that might be what you would request. Here you are”, and hands Einstein a stack of paper.

Einstein took the stack in his trembling hands. He read the first page, then the second, growing ever more excited with each page. The equations were so beautiful! The knowledge so profound!

When he reached the fifty-seventh page, he stopped. He looked puzzled. He flipped back to the beginning and began to re-read page ten. Then he sighed and put the stack down.

“Wrong again”.