What was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and why did it face a lot of backlash from the LGBTQ+ community?
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Don’t ask, don’t tell insinuates something should be a secret and shouldn’t be talked about or acknowledged (aka shameful).
If you were in the military, no one was allowed to ask your sexuality, and you weren’t allowed to tell anyone your sexuality. It was a horrible policy that’s only purpose was to alienate folks volunteering to fight for our rights.
I’ll give you an anecdote since a lot of people are talking policy-
Don’t ask don’t tell had consequences such as if two people were in a gay relationship and broke up, you would have to out yourself if you got stuck with a lease/they left you on the lurch holding the bag.
You couldn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. by that I mean: you can’t have bha and a base housing and put them as a dependent-fiancé what have you for housing. If there was a base ceremony they were your “friends” and they were not allowed to talk to other people on base events in a way that could out you: they are going to be in a Tiger cruise (when families can board a ship while it’s going back to base) and they tell the wrong person they just met? Too bad.
It also created a lot of ethical nasty problems such as “he raped you, you have to go and talk to the damn MAs.” “Well, say what? I’m a lesbian? What the fuck am I going to do? Tell them my wife has throat cancer and without my benefits we’d be fucked?”
I’m not saying smarted people can’t navigate these issues better, I’m just saying it wasn’t black and white and “honor” and bigotry plays a lot in to the military. And at the end of the day you are expendable. It’s not a “mystery” the military is hard on recruiting people- add don’t ask don’t tell to all the other disqualifiers and lgbt people couldn’t have served in a more stressful career unless the had the “right” mindset:
– I’m only here to do 4 years…
– I don’t do relationships.
-I’m straight, having sex w men/women is just something I do here.
– I don’t date military people.
– I don’t give a fuck about getting caught I’m just not going to say anything about it
– I don’t make emotional relationship just because I’m having sex.
And so on.
I personally got out of the army reserve in 1995 by telling my First Sergeant I was gay and that the sergeant in charge of me had said he’d kill anyone he found out was gay. He really did say that.
Then I had to talk to the commanding officer. I started to tell him what my sergeant had said and he tried to stop me, to tell me not to tell. But I told! And I told him I didn’t feel safe now, so I got let right out of my military contract or whatever you call it just like that.
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