What is the psychological basis for the need to talk to others about the things we feel guilty about.
Talking about the things done to us to find comfort and healing is one thing, but why would someone want to talk about the wrongdoings they’ve done?
Wouldn’t it be better to keep a secret that could harm you to yourself? Why does such a need exist in the human psyche?
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I think it’s because guilt stems from an evolutionary need to be accepted by the group. Doing something that may be perceived as “bad” by others may make you feel like you need forgiveness for those actions
The purpose of life is to fellowship with other people. We all need to talk and be accepted by other people. Little is more powerfully accepting than hearing the confession of another person and still accepting them without judgment.
Talking and putting words to things is powerful. The mouth is an instrument of creation. To convert your guilt into words and say it out loud is a first step towards conquering those emotions.
Talking about what you messed up and why is healthy and a part of learning and growing. It should be normal.
The fact that it isn’t is because our society is a little messed up. We shame people a lot when they should be talking and learning from their mistakes.
Sure sometimes it hurts them. But most of the time what they do is somewhat understandable and forgivable and being ashamed of it isn’t a good strategy for not repeating the behavior.
Humans are social animals. We are essentially pack animals that need strength in numbers to survive and thrive.
Either through evolution, cultural learning or some combination of both, we need to be accepted by a group of people around us. That makes sense as a survival instinct.
Remember that evolution does not reward survival. It rewards reproduction. If I have 5 kids and they put me to death for a wrongdoing, my genes are still doing awesome in the evolution race.
Alerting others of danger (even danger you caused) gives them more chance to survive. The people around you are *probably* related to you, at least while we were evolving. So it makes sense that you’d be compelled to do right by them even at your own expense.
This is basically a form of altruism.
Holding in something like that is like breathing through a straw. Could you do it forever? Maybe, but it’s a struggle and you’re quietly suffering. You’ll feel some relief once you let out the secret, but you’ll also have to deal with the consequences of why you were in that situation to begin with.
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