I’ve had this problem my whole life and I’ve met a few others with it too, but none of us know why. We all have no problem crying under certain circumstances (anxiety attacks for me), but sometimes when we’re about to cry at a certain stimulus, something clicks and the feeling just vanishes, even if we want to cry. Is it just a personality thing or is this a known phenomenon with a name or something?
Sorry, didn’t know where else to ask. Google just brought up reasons you can’t stop crying, the opposite problem.
In: Biology
I don’t have the answer but I take sertraline, an antidepressant, which has this effect. Before I would cry, not because I was sad. Just a wave of sadness. Maybe it’s something to do with seratonin?
In my case I sometimes feel like crying for whatever reason (feeling that nobody really cares about me, not wanting to be alive anymore, amongst others) but I can’t get to cry, not even a single tear come out of my eyes. All I do is sigh (I do if that’s the correct word, in Spanish is “suspirar”) but I really can’t cry no matter how sad I am.
I know this is because I’m taking Fluoxetina, an antidepressant, so whenever I really really want to cry and take it all out I just stop taking the medication. After a couple of days I can cry and then I start taking the medication as usual. It’s not okay, but that’s what I came up to.
I’m going to take a few angles on this.
**Part 1 – Biology**
Emotions can come and go quickly. It’s very normal. Earlier today I was crying – grieving for my grandfather as I was recalling the night that he passed. A few minutes later I felt better and moved on with my day. It doesn’t make you any less human that emotions pass through you, sometimes very quickly. I had your exact concern, and my therapist confirmed that this happens, and it’s perfectly normal.
**Part 2 – Culture**
I’m a male from the US. I recognize you may not be.
US culture has historically had a very narrow definition of masculinity. It’s about being ‘tough’, which translates to hiding your emotions, not being emotionally sensitive, and not expressing your feelings. If you do that, you’re a sissy, a girl, or <insert phrase from your childhood>. Think of all the male personas that US masculine culture centered around in the past; they are all ‘cool customers’, and virtually emotionless one-man armies: John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Duke Nukem, Bruce Willis, James Bond, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Jason Statham.
[US] Culturally, for men vulnerability is seen as weakness. I think this is changing, but just speaking to historical standards.
**Part 3 – Upbringing**
Your upbringing can have a large affect on how you metabolize emotion. I was brought up in a household with an angry and tyrannical father figure. I learned quickly to hide how I felt, not express emotion, just say ‘yes-sir’ and keep my head down. Through some very long work with a therapist, I’ve discovered that this become my defacto way of interacting with people in my life, and of processing emotion as an adult. As in, you don’t feel, you just ignore what you’re body is telling you and push through. As I re-learned how to process emotion, it blew me away how much I was pushing down. There was a lot more there than I ever would have guessed.
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Edit: A couple adjectives.
Edit: Added part 3.
The salt of the Earth is yours and yours alone. None shall be passed from the coming of rainy eyes.
Yeah I’m quite curious about this too. I haven’t cried for damn near 10 years now. When I see something really sad, I would want to cry but at most my eyes gets a bit teary and that’s about it. I have never gotten closed to crying for myself since I was a kid probably 15 years ago. Idk if it’s cause of the social norm that “guys shouldn’t cry” so my subconscious is stopping myself but I really don’t know. Kinda worried it might just hit me all at once one day.
I notice what makes me stop crying right before I’m about to is my logic. There are certain ways of looking at a sad topic and some ways make me cry while others dont. (Yes this is confusing). I think about things that make me sad and that makes me about to cry, but then in that split second i suddenly tell myself, you’re sad because of this and not this and then that logic doesnt make me cry anymore.
I am by no means an expert in psychology so I’m just going to speak from what I’ve learned in therapy. I do this often and in my particular case it’s a survival mechanism called dissociation. When I become overwhelmed by stress or an emotion I don’t feel comfortable with “something clicks” in me and the emotion recedes back into nothing and I ‘go blank’ for lack of a better term. I learned this when I was younger and it’s one of the primary answers my brain/mind/self/whatever has for dealing with pain or being uncomfortable. Idk if this is the same thing that you’re experiencing, but maybe it’s worth asking a professional about sometime.
Im pretty sure the act of crying is the act of self indulging in your emotions. We as humans tend to gravitate towards negative thoughts when we’re feeling negative, and its almost like we feed it subconsciously. So maybe taking a step back stops the cycle inadvertantly
To add: Maybe its like loosing a train of thought. You take a step back, and now you’re outside of the sphere/paradigm of thought, looking at it from a third-person perspective, seemingly disconnected at an emotional level- thus an emotional involuntary reaction seems unlikely. But then again, refer to the first section amd think; what does it even mean to have an involuntary emotional reaction? Is it really involuntary, to what extent, and what part does self-indulgence play
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