I’ve had this problem my whole life and I’ve met a few others with it too, but none of us know why. We all have no problem crying under certain circumstances (anxiety attacks for me), but sometimes when we’re about to cry at a certain stimulus, something clicks and the feeling just vanishes, even if we want to cry. Is it just a personality thing or is this a known phenomenon with a name or something?
Sorry, didn’t know where else to ask. Google just brought up reasons you can’t stop crying, the opposite problem.
In: Biology
I’m going to take a few angles on this.
**Part 1 – Biology**
Emotions can come and go quickly. It’s very normal. Earlier today I was crying – grieving for my grandfather as I was recalling the night that he passed. A few minutes later I felt better and moved on with my day. It doesn’t make you any less human that emotions pass through you, sometimes very quickly. I had your exact concern, and my therapist confirmed that this happens, and it’s perfectly normal.
**Part 2 – Culture**
I’m a male from the US. I recognize you may not be.
US culture has historically had a very narrow definition of masculinity. It’s about being ‘tough’, which translates to hiding your emotions, not being emotionally sensitive, and not expressing your feelings. If you do that, you’re a sissy, a girl, or <insert phrase from your childhood>. Think of all the male personas that US masculine culture centered around in the past; they are all ‘cool customers’, and virtually emotionless one-man armies: John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Duke Nukem, Bruce Willis, James Bond, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Jason Statham.
[US] Culturally, for men vulnerability is seen as weakness. I think this is changing, but just speaking to historical standards.
**Part 3 – Upbringing**
Your upbringing can have a large affect on how you metabolize emotion. I was brought up in a household with an angry and tyrannical father figure. I learned quickly to hide how I felt, not express emotion, just say ‘yes-sir’ and keep my head down. Through some very long work with a therapist, I’ve discovered that this become my defacto way of interacting with people in my life, and of processing emotion as an adult. As in, you don’t feel, you just ignore what you’re body is telling you and push through. As I re-learned how to process emotion, it blew me away how much I was pushing down. There was a lot more there than I ever would have guessed.
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Edit: A couple adjectives.
Edit: Added part 3.
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