Was recently diagnosed and I still don’t really have a grasp of what it essentially is. Specifically the symptom “Unstable view of one’s self image”. But the whole thing kinda still confuses me.
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Please keep in mind all personality disorders exist on a spectrum. It’s not like you either have a “perfectly normal personality” or “completely disordered”. Human traits exists on a spectrum. Many mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety share a few of the same personality traits that are often elevated in anyone diagnosed with certain personality disorders.
There’s also dozens of ways that fear of abandonment can show up instead of the the stereotypical raging, obsessive calling ect. Mine shows up as perfectionism particularly in my appearance and people pleasing.
The reason I’m sharing this is because it took years for me to get diagnosed property because of the outdated misconception that everyone with Borderline Personality Disorder acts in those extreme behaviors. That’s simply a false perception that’s fueled by Hollywood movies and True Crime talking heads in the media.
Any psychologist that specializes in personality disorders will tell you that’s completely false. There’s also high functioning vs low functioning (which can change). Traits exist on a spectrum and therefore can present themselves in many ways. I’m referred to as “quiet” BPD or “acting in”. It doesn’t mean I’m introverted but that those maladaptive coping skills and traits are acted inward vs out.
Which makes sense as most see BPD as a form of traumatic attachment combined with a sensitive temperament. Trauma puts someone in “flight or fight” mode. Fight would be acting out and flight would be acting in.
To be honest I’ve noticed quite a few women I work with, whom were not diagnosed with BPD but anxiety or depression, have a lot of the same behaviors I exhibited except I was very discreet.
For example, being so distraught you have to leave work because a guy with 50 red flags who you’ve only been seeing a month, dumps you. I would just pretend to have a migraine and ask to leave calmly. It wasn’t often this happened because I knew not to get involved with dating due to my attachment issues and the fact that I also choose guys who were narcissistic and cold.
Aside from the list of criteria, it’s very common for people with untreated BPD to not do adult things unless pushed such as getting your annual checkup or dental cleanings. We often look for someone to re parent us as just working full time and paying bills is about all that an untreated BPD (mid-high functioning) can handle as we can get easily overwhelmed and have what resembles ADHD. In reality it’s not ADHD but just hard to focus when your mind is chronically in a fight or flight mode.
Just like two different people with depression or anxiety can present vastly different so can personality disorders. Having emotional dysregulation is extremely common in the population. It’s much more common than bipolar or other mood disorders but unfortunately it often goes undiagnosed or misdiagnosed in those who are higher functioning or act in.
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