I read a lot about genders and yet, I haven’t even been able to scratch the surface of what it’s like to be queer. It’s just that I have the impression that it is presented vaguely, in loose terms.
I apologize in advance for my ignorance… i would appreciate some legit informative links maybe or pop culture examples or even surveys taken by queers for research purposes to help me understand it better.
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The reason that statements about queer people are identified vaguely is because every queer person has a slightly different experience. Any black-and-white statement you make has the potential to alienate someone. Since a lot of queer people experience alienation, they often go out of their way to ensure it doesn’t happen within their community. Which has its upsides and downsides.
It’s also difficult to identify “basic characteristics” because widespread research into the topic has only begun in earnest relatively recently. We’re all still figuring out new things, so studies are a bit all over the place.
To answer specific questions you had:
Not all queer people use the pronouns they/them. The word queer is used in two different ways. It can be used as an umbrella term to refer to everyone within the LGBTQA+ community, and it can be used as a label for a specific person. People who identify as queer sometimes prefer the term because they like the fact that it has less expectations or restrictions attached to it.
Since a lot of people I meet often have trouble with this, I’ll go over what I’ve found to be the generally accepted protoccol for using pronouns. Sorry if you already know this. I’m just trying to post it as many places as I can, because a lot of people wonder about it.
The way I explain it is:
1. When you first meet someone, use a gender neutral pronoun. They/them is easiest for most. If you wanna get fancy with neopronouns, go for it, but they’re not as widely known so you might have to do some explaining.
2. At some point, the other person will tell you their preferred pronouns. You can also ask, if you’re struggling.
3. Once the person tells you their pronouns, use the pronouns they gave you when talking to or about them.
4. If you forget their pronouns and panic, you can go back to using use gender neutral for the one thing you’re trying to say, and then ask the person again what they are.
5. If you use the wrong pronoun, briefly apologize, then move on.
As for sources, I think the best way to learn about this is to spend time with queer people. There’s plenty of subs dedicated to LGBTQA+ topics here on reddit. Feel free to lurk. It’s not empirical research, by any means. But if you’re really looking to understand The Queer Experience ™, that’s your best bet.
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