When I don’t eat enough, I get low blood sugar and I find it hard to concentrate and function enough to do anything. And that’s just from skipping a meal, let alone if I hadn’t eaten for days or was subsisting for years on a very small amount of calories. When I see anorexic people in movies or books, they seem to have enough energy to exercise compulsively, go to school or work, and other things. Is it that their eating disorder gives them anxiety and that makes them more energetic? Or does your body just get used to not eating and functions fine after a while?
In: Biology
The aggressive almost determination feeds your willpower or ability to maintain control is almost robotic. It’s about being the absolute divine master over yourself, using force, pain, anger, shame, pride, and if you focus on it in small weight steps it actually isn’t as hard horrible or slow to work. U focus on a number just under ur current, exercise a wee bit more, eat a few bites less, and hit it in few days. As you get more trained into the needs of the pattern you can bump it to 1 kilo more, or a final target weight. U never stop at that weight. It’s a game u get good at winning, and completed kills u. I loved what others thought was gross. All my ribs, collarbones, spine vertibre were defined and viewable, it was amazing feeling so pretty and accomplished. Then u get weak n tired if ur eyes are open u feel like u could sleep , summer becomes less but still winter, your muscles get sore from light strain, a single grocery or handbag or bottle of coke lift ability each arm. U get fuzzy hair like hairless dog, everyone is insufferable, everything is not as interesting or fun, you get stares from everyone everywhere and u start wearing baggy coats to avoid them being over ten seconds of farrowing eyes, everyone only talks about food to you, that doesn’t improve your mood because it’s all nagging, suggesting, offering. Nobody believes any illness you get is caused by viruses or bacteria anymore, it all has to be from lack of eating. Getting a stomach bug everyone automatically Wil not believe you aren’t also bulimic. You look like you’re on crack, your skin acts like ur willpower is trying to kill you in rash or pimple eruptions as ur guts lose their ability to remove toxins and absorb nutrients, your airways puffed, even from sitting. It takes at least 18hrs of your 24 hr day as ur single most focused thought. It is worse than heroin. I haven’t had an episode for over 12 years. Now I hate how I look, can’t ever ever ever get on scales for anything even one time, though I want to just so I can buy clothes properly. I avoid going out because I feel hideous, I hate eating, I hate not eating, I don’t trust doctors for anything ever they’re all liars, even the good ones. I was miserable anorexic. But I was also proud and felt pretty. Now I just exist, can’t do anything that could trigger playing my game against the scales, and I just am waiting like in bus stop to die. Not happy, not really sad, just waiting, thinking I’d love to just feel that pretty again for 5 minutes.
Latest Answers