Everyone talks about getting over trauma and PTSD. Obviously It’s not good to have all this baggage, But what exact behaviors do adults exhibit when suffering from trauma? (I.E. low self esteem from critical parents)
Edit: Follow up question, why are people who suffer from trauma more likely to develop drug addictions?
In: Biology
You’ve drawn a connection to the two in your mind, so for you, yes, how you are mentally digesting others perceptions of you is partially influenced by how your parents raised you and the things your father told you. I believe it influenced you deeply, affects you now, and will likely be a lifelong struggle for you to overcome.
I’d caveat that by saying—as someone who was raised by good-intentioned parents who still did a not-great job on certain fronts—-they likely had no ill intentions. (Keep in mind you’ve given me very little to work with, so that statement is an off-the cuff.) There are a lot of well-meaning people in the world who become parents with little thought to what that means, or without meaning to become parents at all. Some people don’t put a great deal of thought into how their words and actions will affect impressionable developing humans. Sometimes parents are going through a hard, hard time themselves and are barely keeping their head above water. I’ve seen good parenting take a back-seat when survival and/or desperation are in the front-seat. So maybe your parents are terrible flat-out, or maybe they’re selfish and not working hard to parent you, or maybe they have good intentions but still aren’t hitting the mark. There’s a million other varieties of what could be going on as well. The thing your Dad told you speaks volumes about his personal issues, how he’s handling them, and a lack of empathy/carelessness/misguided motives that he would say it to you.
If the childhood trauma is what is causing your feelings of un-acceptance, the good news is you have a lot of time to correct and improve yourself. You’re sixteen. I left home at eighteen; broken, scared, alone, but determined. I also felt everyone disliked me and was against me. I still battle shades of it today. I’m 39 now, but very successful. I spoke very little with my parents for almost a decade. I had a great deal of feelings concerning how they parented me, the intentions behind their decisions, my perceptions of their selfishness. Around 37 years old a friend told me, “They had eighteen years to create what you were. You’ve had eighteen years since then to make whatever you wanted of yourself. You’ve done a good job. Accept that they are limited humans.” They were limited, I did accept it. I’m on friendly terms with them now, but I parent my own children very differently.
You’re almost of adult-age. You get to choose for the rest of your life what you will be, not them. Likely most people do not hate you at all. They are responding to what you’re putting out, or are completely oblivious—most people spend the majority of their day thinking about themselves.
Focus on what you’ll become, not what they made you.
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