California and Colorado have affirmative consent laws (the only two I’m aware of). Other states are presenting similar bills. What is the difference between “no means no” and affirmative consent?
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Affirmative consent means that the word “yes” or an equivalent for it is involved, so there is no ambiguity whatsoever that everyone is consenting.
Some years ago, I read an article about two students, one male and one female, at a Christian college who got together for a movie night. They were lying on the couch in a spooning-like position, and the man started to fondle the woman (he touched her boob). When she did not protest, he felt a little more for some time. The activity did not proceed passed touching.
The next day, the woman reported to the Dean that the man had sexually assaulted her. The man stated that he thought her lack of protest meant she approved. The woman said that she was so bewildered that she froze and was afraid to say anything lest the man become violent.
Affirmative consent means that the man ought to have asked first and confirmed that she approved of being touched.
If you’re curious, in the example I shared, the man actually agreed that his behavior was inappropriate *because* it was his opinion that her failure to stop him did not necessarily mean that she appreciated it.
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