What is it, physically or psychologically, that makes direct eye contact so intimate and/or uncomfortable?
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Besides the people who are shy or socially anxious, for which the reason is simply that, anxiety, other than that, evolutionarily, eye contact, especially in primates, is seen as a sign of direct confrontation and challenge.
For example in some apes, direct eye contact means challenging the leader of the group to a fight, to take over his position or banish him etc. Thats why apes avoid eye contact, especially with the leader of the group.
And i guess same got transferred to us. Eye contact is uncomfortable because its a signal of “im not afraid of you”. Which causes tension as you may guess.
It depends on what’s going on in your head. Some people can stare a at a strangers face and apparently don’t think very much while doing so. Most people start to (subconsciously) analyse the other’s face in order to find out what the other might want to communicate to them. This can feel uncomfortable when you suspect the other of having negative thoughts (eg. judgement) towards you (/ your current behavior). Keep in mind that direct eye contact is usually understood as silent communication, which “forces” us to react (or think about how to react). The harder it is to figure out what the other wants (what the facial expression means or what its message might be), the more work you have to put in the communication, which can cause stress.
Eye Contact is also a biological thing. It’s quite interesting because in some therapies it’s used as a method to be able to build healthy relationships again – so you will practice looking your therapist in the eye, you are not allowed to look away or talk. For over 12 minutes!
Because then it comes to a biological reaction in your body: it distributes oxytocin, the so called ,,cuddle-hormone”. Oxytocin gets triggered whenever you have a close relationship to someone and exchange some sort of physical contact, for example eye contact.
If you know the person better and are closer to them, it doesn’t need as long as 12 minutes eyecontact for your body to react and oxytocin to be pumped into your system – you for sure know the warm and dizzy feeling you sometimes get when you look a beloved partner into the eyes.
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