what is the difference between ‘normal’ fatigue and a burnout?
In: 33
I’ve been dealing with what my therapist says is PTSD. The major thing that let me know something was wrong is that I’m fit. I usually have tons of energy. If someone needs something and it’s upstairs lol , I would be the first to go get it for them. I had a nice little business going for the last 20 years and then my father fell and broke his hip just as this virus disaster began. I’m an only child and my father had me quite late in life. He was 84 when he broke his hip. He was a gentleman right til the very end. He had rehab at first for 6 weeks. He broke his femur also. Major. By the time he was ready to come home I had put up railings everywhere and secured things to make his life and mine , easier. My business was now in it’s death throes bcuz of lockdowns and so my life’s work was going , and then gone. During which time I was taking care of my father by myself. He was small and I’m strong enough to have moved him around when I needed to. He recovered. Then fell and broke his back. Fractured his vertebra in 3 places. And his other hip. Once he came home it was nonstop , constantly maintaining him. He also started to lose it mentally. We live in a pretty isolated spot and there aren’t many people to help around. He was always calling my name like something was wrong. This whole thing lasted about two years. When he finally passed away , he was soo broken by that point .. I can vaguely recall his funeral bcuz I was completely and utterly fried. People usually go to eat after. I went straight home to an empty house. It felt like someone had pulled my batteries out and I felt it happen. One day I just felt it. It was this realization that came with it that really butchered me , mentally. I was so tired that all I could do was sleep for at least a week. It did nothing for the fatigue. Bills were piling up. Responsibilities. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t even think about them. I had pushed myself way harder than I thought. In disaster mode , you don’t realize that you’re going at light speed all the time and the nerves!! Frayed. I became suicidal at one point and not from sadness. Or loneliness although I felt that strongly. It was that I was able to take a step back and REALLY LOOK , and I saw nothing left of my business I loved. I worked so hard on and I was “ok” and would have been able to retire one day or not bcuz I loved it. My father was my last family member. The world grew colder without directly doing so. It just changed. People became more to themselves. You know how it is , if you’re not crazy enough to get married then you live long enough to see all your friends get hitched. Then you get the third wheel type of invites bcuz your friends still want to hang out or go out but they have kids or a new baby or 3 friggin dogs when one was enough. Lol. It just hit me … why my father used to thank me all the time. Or apologize to me if he couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time. I used to carry him up the stairs so that he could still sleep in his bed. The thought that I’ll have to rely on a stranger when I’m that old and not someone who actually cares. If this all didn’t happen at the same time , the virus, losing the business , my father becoming an invalid , I would have been able to shoulder it. If it didn’t last for two years , watching him die every day with no breaks. I could have pulled up. The lack of energy I have I can’t begin to describe. Burnout doesn’t even fit. Burnt to a cinder maybe? Lol. I’m hoping this therapy thing works. I have faith in humanity and the people that I met along this road w my pop were stellar. My lack of energy starts w knowing how much I put into that business. Energy wise and knowing that I don’t have that now. Not this late in the game. I’ve done things in my life that most people wouldn’t think about. Not bad things. Just insane “go for it” type of things. The amount of energy that this world closing crap sucked up .. it made people look sad in the eyes. If you really ask someone how they were doing. During all that , their eyes will tell you. The whole thing just fkn broke my back. It really did. I have the kind of burnout that FUBAR should include. Lol. It’s not a tired that sleep could ever fix for me. It killed my “inner child” type of burnout. Geez. I’m sorry for the emotional dump. I just have never been tired or burned out. I used to yell at my friends. Teasing them if they used the snooze button. Now it’s my best friend … that I hate still.
what is the difference between ‘normal’ fatigue and a burnout?
In: 33
I’ve been dealing with what my therapist says is PTSD. The major thing that let me know something was wrong is that I’m fit. I usually have tons of energy. If someone needs something and it’s upstairs lol , I would be the first to go get it for them. I had a nice little business going for the last 20 years and then my father fell and broke his hip just as this virus disaster began. I’m an only child and my father had me quite late in life. He was 84 when he broke his hip. He was a gentleman right til the very end. He had rehab at first for 6 weeks. He broke his femur also. Major. By the time he was ready to come home I had put up railings everywhere and secured things to make his life and mine , easier. My business was now in it’s death throes bcuz of lockdowns and so my life’s work was going , and then gone. During which time I was taking care of my father by myself. He was small and I’m strong enough to have moved him around when I needed to. He recovered. Then fell and broke his back. Fractured his vertebra in 3 places. And his other hip. Once he came home it was nonstop , constantly maintaining him. He also started to lose it mentally. We live in a pretty isolated spot and there aren’t many people to help around. He was always calling my name like something was wrong. This whole thing lasted about two years. When he finally passed away , he was soo broken by that point .. I can vaguely recall his funeral bcuz I was completely and utterly fried. People usually go to eat after. I went straight home to an empty house. It felt like someone had pulled my batteries out and I felt it happen. One day I just felt it. It was this realization that came with it that really butchered me , mentally. I was so tired that all I could do was sleep for at least a week. It did nothing for the fatigue. Bills were piling up. Responsibilities. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t even think about them. I had pushed myself way harder than I thought. In disaster mode , you don’t realize that you’re going at light speed all the time and the nerves!! Frayed. I became suicidal at one point and not from sadness. Or loneliness although I felt that strongly. It was that I was able to take a step back and REALLY LOOK , and I saw nothing left of my business I loved. I worked so hard on and I was “ok” and would have been able to retire one day or not bcuz I loved it. My father was my last family member. The world grew colder without directly doing so. It just changed. People became more to themselves. You know how it is , if you’re not crazy enough to get married then you live long enough to see all your friends get hitched. Then you get the third wheel type of invites bcuz your friends still want to hang out or go out but they have kids or a new baby or 3 friggin dogs when one was enough. Lol. It just hit me … why my father used to thank me all the time. Or apologize to me if he couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time. I used to carry him up the stairs so that he could still sleep in his bed. The thought that I’ll have to rely on a stranger when I’m that old and not someone who actually cares. If this all didn’t happen at the same time , the virus, losing the business , my father becoming an invalid , I would have been able to shoulder it. If it didn’t last for two years , watching him die every day with no breaks. I could have pulled up. The lack of energy I have I can’t begin to describe. Burnout doesn’t even fit. Burnt to a cinder maybe? Lol. I’m hoping this therapy thing works. I have faith in humanity and the people that I met along this road w my pop were stellar. My lack of energy starts w knowing how much I put into that business. Energy wise and knowing that I don’t have that now. Not this late in the game. I’ve done things in my life that most people wouldn’t think about. Not bad things. Just insane “go for it” type of things. The amount of energy that this world closing crap sucked up .. it made people look sad in the eyes. If you really ask someone how they were doing. During all that , their eyes will tell you. The whole thing just fkn broke my back. It really did. I have the kind of burnout that FUBAR should include. Lol. It’s not a tired that sleep could ever fix for me. It killed my “inner child” type of burnout. Geez. I’m sorry for the emotional dump. I just have never been tired or burned out. I used to yell at my friends. Teasing them if they used the snooze button. Now it’s my best friend … that I hate still.
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