This is an increasingly common phrase that seeks to help people who feel insecure or have low self esteem. But I don’t understand how it applies at all. A large proportion of what we do is aligned with the societal paradigm for our own survival. What others think of us is of upmost importance because if they think of us in a certain way, it may lead them to destructive actions against us. What other people think of me is important for my very survival. Can someone help me understand this phrase in the way it’s meant to be understood? Thanks!
In: 10
Think of it the other way around.
Let’s say I send a text to an old friend that says, “Hey, how’s it going?”
A few hours go by, and I start to think that I must have texted the wrong person, because my friend always responds quickly. So I check and I see it’s the right number, but that doesn’t help my worry.
Another few hours go by, and I start to think that I might have offended them somehow. So I think about our last interaction, a lot. I start to feel resigned that I won’t get a response and I wonder how my friend could be so unforgiving.
Another few hours pass, and I start to worry that maybe they’re dead. So I start to look for an obituary.
Then my friend finally texts back to say that he just got back from a camping trip, and I text back, “Great! I wanted to invite you to my BBQ next weekend.”
Everything in the quotation marks is my friend’s business. All the things I’ve thought in between is a private matter, and none of my friend’s business at all.
I use this. Basically, I really don’t care what most people think of me so I don’t waste my time trying to figure it out (if they think of me at all; see below). For instance, if a friend overheard or was in conversation with someone who said something negative and petty about me like “I don’t like X” “X is a bitch, had bad breath, is a pushover, thinks she’s better than everybody, is jealous,etc” I don’t really want to know that; I don’t want my friend to tell me because I don’t want to cloud my mind with that; who gives a eff what that person thinks about me? I don’t. And, plenty of times stuff like that is I’ll informed, said out of anger/frustration, etc. I literally couldn’t care less. They can keep that negativity to themselves.
If, on the other hand, they said I was stealing money from my job, sexually assaulting children, etc then yes, I’d want to know that so I can correct the record. But that’s distinctly tied to my livelihood and freedom.
Also, don’t assume people are thinking of me much at all; i know I don’t spend my time really measuring my actions around what other people think, I’m just living making what I think are good decisions (at the time); it may have a tangential effect on others but what I do isn’t usually motivated by others. For instance, if I see someone I know at the grocery store and speak and they keep walking, I don’t automatically assume they must be informing me and must be mad because of something I did. I think they must not have heard me/seen me/recognized me. If every time I speak to them they keep walking, THEN I think they’re ignoring me and stop speaking. I know people who think almost everything other people do is somehow a specific slight against them; that X did this to do that to them. I’m like girl, they probably not even thinking about you. Do you think about them that much?
I use this. Basically, I really don’t care what most people think of me so I don’t waste my time trying to figure it out (if they think of me at all; see below). For instance, if a friend overheard or was in conversation with someone who said something negative and petty about me like “I don’t like X” “X is a bitch, had bad breath, is a pushover, thinks she’s better than everybody, is jealous,etc” I don’t really want to know that; I don’t want my friend to tell me because I don’t want to cloud my mind with that; who gives a eff what that person thinks about me? I don’t. And, plenty of times stuff like that is I’ll informed, said out of anger/frustration, etc. I literally couldn’t care less. They can keep that negativity to themselves.
If, on the other hand, they said I was stealing money from my job, sexually assaulting children, etc then yes, I’d want to know that so I can correct the record. But that’s distinctly tied to my livelihood and freedom.
Also, don’t assume people are thinking of me much at all; i know I don’t spend my time really measuring my actions around what other people think, I’m just living making what I think are good decisions (at the time); it may have a tangential effect on others but what I do isn’t usually motivated by others. For instance, if I see someone I know at the grocery store and speak and they keep walking, I don’t automatically assume they must be informing me and must be mad because of something I did. I think they must not have heard me/seen me/recognized me. If every time I speak to them they keep walking, THEN I think they’re ignoring me and stop speaking. I know people who think almost everything other people do is somehow a specific slight against them; that X did this to do that to them. I’m like girl, they probably not even thinking about you. Do you think about them that much?
I use this. Basically, I really don’t care what most people think of me so I don’t waste my time trying to figure it out (if they think of me at all; see below). For instance, if a friend overheard or was in conversation with someone who said something negative and petty about me like “I don’t like X” “X is a bitch, had bad breath, is a pushover, thinks she’s better than everybody, is jealous,etc” I don’t really want to know that; I don’t want my friend to tell me because I don’t want to cloud my mind with that; who gives a eff what that person thinks about me? I don’t. And, plenty of times stuff like that is I’ll informed, said out of anger/frustration, etc. I literally couldn’t care less. They can keep that negativity to themselves.
If, on the other hand, they said I was stealing money from my job, sexually assaulting children, etc then yes, I’d want to know that so I can correct the record. But that’s distinctly tied to my livelihood and freedom.
Also, don’t assume people are thinking of me much at all; i know I don’t spend my time really measuring my actions around what other people think, I’m just living making what I think are good decisions (at the time); it may have a tangential effect on others but what I do isn’t usually motivated by others. For instance, if I see someone I know at the grocery store and speak and they keep walking, I don’t automatically assume they must be informing me and must be mad because of something I did. I think they must not have heard me/seen me/recognized me. If every time I speak to them they keep walking, THEN I think they’re ignoring me and stop speaking. I know people who think almost everything other people do is somehow a specific slight against them; that X did this to do that to them. I’m like girl, they probably not even thinking about you. Do you think about them that much?
When people worry about what other people think about them. They are actually projecting their own self image onto others in order to address it somehow. This can lead to self-destructive ends either by lashing out or self implosion.
People like this are actually looking for people to criticize them so they can address the proxy and confront the pseudo issue. Sadly, this leads to a perpetual loop of harm.
I experienced this first hand until counseling and cognitive behavior therapy cured me.
I recommend the “feeling good handbook” and building a relationship with a counselor.
When people worry about what other people think about them. They are actually projecting their own self image onto others in order to address it somehow. This can lead to self-destructive ends either by lashing out or self implosion.
People like this are actually looking for people to criticize them so they can address the proxy and confront the pseudo issue. Sadly, this leads to a perpetual loop of harm.
I experienced this first hand until counseling and cognitive behavior therapy cured me.
I recommend the “feeling good handbook” and building a relationship with a counselor.
When people worry about what other people think about them. They are actually projecting their own self image onto others in order to address it somehow. This can lead to self-destructive ends either by lashing out or self implosion.
People like this are actually looking for people to criticize them so they can address the proxy and confront the pseudo issue. Sadly, this leads to a perpetual loop of harm.
I experienced this first hand until counseling and cognitive behavior therapy cured me.
I recommend the “feeling good handbook” and building a relationship with a counselor.
But 99.9% of the time it won’t, which is why it’s a useful phrase. It liberates you from anxiety that otherwise impacts your confidence to pursue what you wish.
But 99.9% of the time it won’t, which is why it’s a useful phrase. It liberates you from anxiety that otherwise impacts your confidence to pursue what you wish.
But 99.9% of the time it won’t, which is why it’s a useful phrase. It liberates you from anxiety that otherwise impacts your confidence to pursue what you wish.
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