Why is it that in some friend groups there seems to be 1 or 2 leaders who determine who can and cannot be allowed into the group and what is and isn’t acceptable. How can one move up in the hierarchy of the group and become more respected within the group?
In: Biology
Whoever does that seems extremely controlling, and not someone I’d want to be friends with in the first place. Whether someone should be part of a friend group should depend on whether or not they get along with everyone else, not some form of gate keeping.
Besides, you can have multiple different friend groups at the same time. I’m part of 2 different friend groups who don’t really know each other at all, and since they’ve got quite different personalities I don’t feel like they’ll get along so I’ve never bothered to introduce them to each other.
Evolution. Living in groups improved out chances of survival. Being top of the pile makes sure you have the best access to things you need to survive and reproduction. This has developed over millenia. While we don’t have the same life and death scenarios anymore, we still have hierarchies which have shifted to proxies for survival. Like wealth and status, having wealth ensures access to health care, shelter and improves chances of mating. Interestingly, the group can’t survive without the subordinates, those who are happy being lower down the ladder.
tldr: We all have behaviours which fit in to dominance hierarchies that ensure group survival. .
By leaving school and not being 12?
Who has a group of friends where a couple of people by”decide” who can join?
We’re generally all very keen to be a part of a group, and this makes sense since groups give us loads of advantages, both in evolution and in modern life. But for those within a group already, it is best to ensure the group is fairly stable, as if the group changes the wrong way, they might lose their place. Therefore those in the group will create leaders and gladly submit to the leaders, since it makes guaranteeing their own membership of the group easier. Plus supporting the leader’s leadership generally boosts your position within the group (and position within the group brings additional benefits and safer group membership (at least until there’s a coup)).
To move up in the group’s hierarchy requires demonstrating your value to the group, and to the leader(s) of the group in particular, so that others want to be part of whatever group you are in. How value is demonstrated will vary depending on the nature of the group. It could be by being funny, or kind, or smart, or generous, or good looking, or good at a particular task or something as simple as having a nice dog.
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