Why does sexual/romantic rejection hurt us in a way that is psychologically similar to physical pain?
In: Biology
Tl;Dr: the brain is a part of the body
Long version: whenever you go into crisis mode because of whatever negative stimulus (falling down the stairs, or getting embarrassed and laughed at at work), your body reacts the same way. When you sense danger, whether an impending break up or an ongoing car, your brain floods your body will hormones: adrenaline spikes your blood pressure and speeds your reaction time and cortisol, the “stress hormone”, and shuts down any bodily functions seemed non-essential to fight or flight, among other things.
Whatever happens after you are ready and primed, and then when you come down it’s actually pretty traumatic in itself. Ever been so upset your hands wouldn’t start shaking. Couple that feeling with the emotional blow of a break up (or a car wreck) and you’re going to be in pain, whether mental agony (which we all know exists) or physical.
Also, and this is the most important: mental health is health. Your brain is intrinsically connected with the rest of your body. Just as exercise helps depression, depression and anxiety can negatively affect the rest of your body in such ways as weight gain or blood pressure. Mental trauma on its own can be so agonizing you get flashbacks, like in PTSD. But thankfully there are treatments. Therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy, counseling, medications, group therapy.
If you broke a bone you’d set it, put it in a cast, take some Tylenol, and rest up. If you experienced psychological trauma it is just as important to treat that. Taking care of yourself includes your mental health.
I think other severe psychological trauma is similarly physically painful. The mind has only one way to experience pain. It’s all body pain, even headaches. Our consciousness and subjective experience is very tightly coupled to our senses and their impression of the physical world, including our bodies.
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