I’m sorry if this is worded wrong, my science vocabulary isn’t all that in English.
So atoms can lose or gain electrons, protons and neutrons, but when they do, they turn into a different version of that element (ie. an iron cation) instead of another element that has that same amount of neutrons, protons and electrons. How do these changes make an element different, but not enough for it to turn into a different thing?
In: Physics
It does turn into another element when it gains a proton. Element names are based on the number of protons in a substance. So, in the sun when Hydrogen collides with another hydrogen, it can Fusion to become Helium.
Changing the number of neutrons changes it from one isotope of an element to another one. So Carbon-14 has 8 Neutrons and Carbon-12 has 6 Neutrons.
Changing the number of electrons turns it into different Ions of the same material.
The reason Protons are so important, is protons set the amount of electrons are usually in the atom and molecule, and changes the likelihood of getting another electron or losing an electron. Atoms are trying for 2 things, electrical neutrality (same number of electrons as protons) and a stable, low energy configuration of electrons, and those two competing ideas change the properties of the various elements.
The reason why they look at proton number rather than electron numbers is electrons are a less permanent configuration, as it proton numbers are much, much more stable than electron numbers.
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