(ELI5) Why is codependency considered inherently negative?
In: Culture
Nothing is inherently bad, it always comes to what criteria you’re using (it is basic philosophy) but I will give you my opinion on that.
– You don’t reach self actualization. Your fear of losing the enabler (the SO) and trying to become a better person for the them becomes your number 1 goal and motivation to live. Puting all of your possible true tastes and true preferences aside.
– you will become dumber. Since you are worrying about the SO so much due to your codependency on them, you lose the capacity of puting studies/work or whatever at a high level of focus.
– You feel more often bad than good. I think this one is a necessery condition for the codependent relationship. The fear of losing the enabler is the main tool they use to have you attached to them. You’re convinced that they are improving your life and without them you would be lost and unhappy, and it is the lack of validation that keeps you hooked on to the relationship. Whenever the enabler FINALLY decides to give you the validation, it feels like the best sensation in the world (thats why ppl say codependent relationships have the best sex) but it is 90% of the time being anxious and worried and 10% geting validation and feeling good.
– you become awkward. In the typical codependent relationship, as a codependent, your feelings and emotions are disregarded, it is the enabler’s feelings and happiness that matters the most. You start getting used to telling jokes and not getting laughter, you get used to avoid displaying insatisfaction when someone violate your boundaries and at some point, even when you are interacting with others, you will naturally be prone to avoid telling jokes or not believing you could be funny, you could also develop fake nervous laughter (this one is common), you will naturally let people interrupt you, you will naturally let ppl do shit with you that you shouldn’t let and others will notice this and label you a weird/weak person (and they are right).
As for the enabler, I don’t think there is any ‘cons’ for them, it is all good having a desperate person willing to put up with you. Haha they are usually very inteligent charming charismatic and attractive. I feel ashamed for have let myself be the codependent one. I think only weak people with shitty parents become dependent on others.
Latest Answers