Can a vagina actually be “tight” or “loose?”

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Penetration hurts. I’m scared of practicing relaxation exercises because if I relax, it won’t be tight, which is what men want. I don’t want to be defective. It’s so disgusting to me. It’s like men just want the women that they’re with to be ultra tight for them and to just lay there in pain. My vagina is worthless and defective. It’s too tight. I feel like I’ll never be good enough. I swear they’re fucking selfish sadists. I just don’t want to be in pain and suffer, but honestly I hear about tight vaginas so fucking much and men’s disgusting comments that I’m just getting used to the idea of sex being hell for the woman and great for the man. I’ve heard that a tight vagina is “great for the man” but causes pain for the woman. Intercourse is scary and violent. I want to fucking vomit. I guess the ideal is an extremely tight vagina that hurts the woman. I’m just getting used to the idea of agony. Maybe this is just how sex is supposed to be – fucking agony for the woman and fucking bliss for the man. I chew on my fingers and leave marks on them because I feel so defective. I’m just so disgusted. I’m worthless and I’ve harmed myself over this. My questions are: 1. Can a vagina actually be tight or loose? 2. Why is a tighter vagina viewed as better? 3. What do people mean when they say that a vagina is “tight?” 4. Is my defective vagina okay because it’s tight? 5. Aren’t aroused vaginas relaxed, open, and elastic? 6. When people say that vaginas are tight, are they saying that the vagina resists penetration and is hard to stretch and that it’s difficult to force the walls of the vagina again?

In:

Holy shit, friend. There’s too much here for me to unpack. You need to go ask this at r/twoxchromosomes and get some real advice. There’s too much here to dissect, but you’ve got some pretty incorrect ideas about how this stuff is supposed to work, which suggests you’ve had some pretty terrible sexual experiences and need some educated advice.

I think you have larger issues than simply the characteristics of your (probably normal) vagina. It sounds like men in general frighten you and the concept of penetration is unacceptable to you based purely on a reductive idea of intercourse as [object larger than my percieved acceptable size is forced into my body against my will, causing me pain, psychological injury, and shame, to the delight of the owner of the disgusting penis]. That is not what healthy sexual intimacy is. That is rape, trauma, and pain. The simple answer to your question is that vaginas generally yes, are capable of stretching and accommodating many variations in size. The more complicated answer is not a simple yes or no but rather a deeper series of more probing questions and is better answered by refraining from sex and seeking counseling.

Look I know I’m not the first to comment this on one of your posts but I had a look at your post history and it seems like this is something you’re having real emotional difficulty with. You should honestly seek a therapist or some kind of professional help – there is only so much that reddit’s armchair philosophers can do.

1. Yes. Everyone is different.

2. More friction on the penis = more feeling. As long as it’s not TOO much friction. The natural lubrication and structure of the lining make too much friction virtually not a thing for the male. Obviously not the same case for the female.

3. Tight = more friction … again, in a good way for the male.

4. Perfectly fine. This generally gets better over time. Not always, but for most. Getting more comfortable, being less anxious, etc helps. Might want to concentrate on foreplay to get really lubricated, open, etc. Could use toys to help get through this too.

5. Most of the time. Everyone is different. Don’t be afraid of lube if you need it.

6. I don’t want to say “resists penetration”. Again, it’s more friction. A woman who is on the more “loose” side could add friction by contracting her muscles around his penis.

And this is strictly from the male POV. Saying “tight” and “loose” is not inferring anything about sexual history or anything.

As for being “broken”, that’s the wrong way to look at it. Some people just need time and “experience”. Some people just can’t do penetrative sex. Took my wife over a year to “open up” so to say. Again, treat lube as a friend … foreplay is a must … and maybe some battery-Powered stimulation may help open things up a bit. You need to worry a lot less about what the man thinks (I noticed that repeatedly in your post) and do more of what feels good for you. A man will generally be happy getting off regardless as it’s an easy, manual process. The real goal is getting the woman off.

So the bottom line is kinda cliche … “You do you” … but instead of writing that off as overused and kinda goofy, think of what that really entails.

OK so let’s get reductive. Since that appears to be the way you are looking at things, let’s go at it from my perspective. I’m male.
I take the big scary penis up my bum sometimes. This is not because it isn’t supposed to happen or because it hurts or because it’s “tight.”
I like the man. He likes me. We both want to be extra close. We get excited to be extra close. Everything is about the excitement.
So there’s the kissing and touching etc. Now, my butt is not just going to allow this giant penis to come barging in. I have to WANT THAT.
So in the context of respect and a lot of suggestion and then maybe kissing and carrying on, here I am in a situation that suggests I might let the big ole scary penis into my little vulnerable butt. If this is a thing I want, I’m going to relax enough that it isn’t that hard to ease that giant thing inside there. It might be a bit uncomfortable at first, but in the context of a loving and trusting interaction it is not really that big of a deal. As it escalates, and feels pretty good, and we both get closer to the climax. This causes muscles to tighten. My body stimulates his more and more because I want it to. There is no resistance. Any extra tightness is because of MY arousal and intention to stimulate him more. This will continue until climaxes occur and then hopefully we both agree that we want snacks and to cuddle. That’s it. With women, it has been no different. Mutual respect, love, cuddles and whatever. Nothing about this idea of forced penetration. That stuff is in the land of “someone has hurt you.” If that be the case, stop having sex until you’ve buried the past trauma.