I’ve tried researching it and many explanations seem to be emotionally charged, judgmental, and non-factual. “They’re so evil and manipulative!” Okay, but can you actually describe what it is?
The the factual, non-biased explanations show what’s in the DSM-5, but it’s kind of vague. What exactly is it? What might people with BPD do to avoid abandonment? Etc.
Edit: Just wanted to thank everyone for their reply. Everyone has brought something of value and an interesting perspective.
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I found a great resource for this question. This video spells out the most noticeable traits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to5qRLRSS7g
Very simply, people with BPD experience emotions very strongly. They often struggle with impulse control, see things in extremes, and have an intense fear of abandonment. A good phrase to remember is “I hate you! Don’t leave me.” They are not evil.
Ive heard someone say somewhere “They are just like everyone else… Just more so.”
“Understand the bordline Mother ” was a great read on this issue.
I am not a psychiatrist but ive known 2 seperate people with bpd, so il try to explain my observations.
They tend to attatch themselves to 1 person, and dub them their ‘FP’ (favorite person). They were very attached and felt upset when they werent around. They also experienced ‘splitting’ and would be set off by minor things. They tend to see things in black and white, and tended to idolize or despise people. They also can be unstable, and threaten their FP’s with Suicide, Self harm, and Threats if they think theres even a slim chance they will be abandoned.
the stereotype for BPD is that its the ‘crazy ex girlfriend’ but thats not always the case. BPD is highly stigmatized but it can be treated with the right help. Again, im not a psychiatrist so this is purely from observations
Dave Foley, whose ex-wife was BPD, explains it like this (paraphrasing) ‘when they love you, you are the most angelic creature ever. When they hate you, they’ll do anything to destroy you: and you never know who’s going to show up’.
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My mother had this.
For an eli5 explanation:
Think of a time when you felt an extremely intense emotion. Maybe rage or grief or fear. If you have experienced an emotional extreme – and most of us have – you’ll notice it temporarily changes the way you think.
Most people know that thoughts create emotions, but the opposite is also true. When you’re enraged with someone, you probably can’t remember much you like about them. You could even forget every positive thing about them and wonder why you ever hung around with that person in the first place!
Now most of us have what’s called meta cognition, which is thinking about our thoughts. So when I get angry with someone and think ‘why do I even hang out with this person?’ there’s another part of me that says ‘yeah, you feel that way now, but give it an hour and you’ll remember everything you like about them’. This is a type of emotional regulation that we learn through experience of noticing our thoughts shift with our mood – we start to take them with a pinch of salt and that knowledge that not everything we feel is reality helps us stay relatively calm.
But I bet you’ve sometimes had emotions strong enough to override that, right? You’ve occasionally acted regrettably due to a very strong emotion? Most people have, it’s very normal.
People with bpd tend to experience very extreme emotions on a far more regular basis and are trapped in that state where the emotion overrides regulation, so they tend to take their emotionally driven thoughts as fact and they act accordingly. They also tend to lack meta cognition – often because they haven’t been in an environment safe enough to learn it – so can’t calm down. They often also deal with very high levels of shame derived from an abusive or troubled upbringing that add fuel to the emotional fire.
And that’s essentially what bpd is.
I think one thing worth mentioning is that BPD is a treatable disorder. Since it’s often the result of trauma or neglect, basically nurture over nature, it seems to be easier to work through than say mood disorders like bipolar disorder. It’s also something that’s commonly misdiagnosed.
I personally witnessed someone close to me be misdiagnosed as bipolar when they actually suffered from bpd. When we realized that the bipolar diagnoses didn’t really fit, we were eventually able to recognize that bpd might be the culprit.
The awesome part is that with the correct therapy, this person was able to get phenomenally better in a relatively quick span of time. They really turned their life around in a way that sadly isn’t typical of someone suffering from bipolar disorder.
So while many people who suffer from bpd can have a very difficult go of it, there is hope they can recover.
The word “borderline” means the border between psychosis and neurosis.
The NIMH definition is accurate, but doesn’t ELI5 as you’re requesting. Based on the book I link to below, and I can tell you also from my first hand experience, that BPD has roots in feeling worthless. Behavior which can be seen as damaging or uncomfortable or abusive, can also be explained as someone with BPD having an overwhelming need to be perceived as having worth. It’s not just being “evil” or “manipulative”, there’s a reason WHY the behavior occurs. The mindset is closer to: “You’re wrong, you aren’t hurt by me. I can’t have hurt you, because if I did then I was wrong, and if I was wrong you won’t love me, and if you don’t love me I’m worthless and will be abandoned. So I didn’t hurt you, you are not hurt, because I can’t be revealed to be worthless.” Something like that.
I STRONGLY recommend you read the book [“Stop Walking On Eggshells”](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901), which describes BPD through the lens of the family and friends of those who suffer from it. It makes it much easier to identify, and to understand the difference between “high functioning” and “low functioning” BPD.
Also, it’s worth noting that BPD is often diagnosed alongside narcissistic personality disorder, they amplify each other in some ways.
I hope this helps.
I actually have my first appt with a therapist for these very reasons(not all of them. But def a good chunk of what was included in this list.) Just kinda took me by surprising reading this
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