What exactly are pre nups and why are they always shown to be a point of contention on couples?
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I’d add that they have to be carefully structured so that they take into account things like the length of the marriage (someone who stops working or sacrifices their career as part of the marriage gets increasingly more dependent on the earner, so they’d be entitled to more and more of the mutual wealth).
And if the marriage is very short, they’d get less of the wealth because they presumably can still have a career and earn money for themselves.
If you don’t allow for the above, you’d increase the chances that the pre-nup will be voided for being unfair.
Prenups are a get out of jail card. When a marriage splits, assets are usually halved. So if you earn a disproportionate amount compared to your spouse, you’re essentially out of pocket. For example, if I have 100k in my bank, and she only has 20k, she’d walk away with 60k, and I’d end up a hell of a lot poorer. A prenup guards against this.
It’s contentious due to the fact that you’re investing in this sort of insurance indicates to your partner that there may be a situation in the future where you need to enact an escape plan. This doesn’t inspire confidence in a union that is supposed to be for life. At worst, it shows a lack of trust, and you’re preparing for the marriage to fail before it’s even began, and at best protection against a partners ill intentions, and a protection for the *absolute certainty* that peoples feelings will change over time.
“Why get a pre-nup if we’re going to be together for ever? Don’t you trust me?”
A Pre-Nup, or pre-nuptial agreement is a contract people sign before marriage that contemplates what happens when a couple divorces. This includes prospectively dealing with money, including spousal support, asset division, and parenting decisions.
In the past, people didn’t want to sign them because they felt it indicated a lack of faith in the marriage, a lack of faith in the partner, or severely limited their ability to take 50% in a divorce. It was also tough, because people felt like they had unequal bargaining power. For example, the multimillionaire CEO husband has his high school diploma only trophy wife sign one saying that if she divorces she gets $1.
In the modern era, they are becoming less and less divisive as people freely contract for them.
What everyone else said, but in ADDITION it also defines how things will be financially during the marriage. My SO makes 100x more than me. We have an arrangement where I give him a certain amount every month but he covers basically all other expenses. I will no longer need to pay this once we retire (young and soon). The prenup dictates who needs to pay what during marriage, even with details as detailed as insurance, food, mortgage, etc and what it doesn’t cover (extras like $$$$$ luxury items I want) without an agreement by both parties. It also dictates I don’t need to pay if I make under a certain amount (so retiring).
It was really stressful to do, but it’s a good exercise to really make sure both parties are on the exact same page BEFORE signing the marriage contract.
There are A LOT of things to work through with your SO, but it will make things simpler after divorce and during marriage.
It’s a legal document that outlines who has what assets and who gets what in the event of a divorce… sort of like a will for the marriage. It’s a point of contention because it’s discussing divorce before the couple has even married and most people go into marriage expecting it to last forever.
Prenup means prenuptual agreement.
It is essentially a contract that you enter into with your partner before a marriage that, in the event that the marriage ends, dictates how assets will be split.
This often happens when two people bring a significantly different amount of wealth into a relationship. The person with a lot of wealth wants to avoid people who are looking to hook up and hang out for a couple years before leaving with half their money.
The specifics of any given prenup will be different, but in general, the reason most people will have an honest problem with them is because they might feel like they’re going to become trapped in a relationship. If they’re going to enter a marriage under the impression that, for example, they won’t be working, then they might not continue to advance their careers. They’re limiting their potential future earnings by making these choices, so they want to be protected in the event that the relationship ends. However, some people with a moderate amount of money might try and push a prenup that gives up absolutely nothing.
Prenups create legal terms for the division of capital and property in the event of a divorce. They’re sensible, because no matter how in love you are, life is unpredictable and shit happens. In rare cases they can be abusive, and so both parties really need lawyers before signing one, but they’re usually reasonable, and stipulate in layman’s terms “If we exit this marriage, we both retain what we had when we came in, and we split whatever we gained during during it”.
They cause contention because “But if you were really in love with me, you wouldn’t be planning for a divorce!”
Here’s a basic problem – You have many couples where one partner is the “earner” and the other is the “non-earner”. If for whatever reason the couple divorces in 15 years the “earner” could potentially claim all the money, all the property, all the stuff because they “earned” it. The “non-earner” could essentially be left with absolutely nothing, like literally they are now homeless with the clothes on their backs. So over the years laws have been made that protect the “non-earner” and entitle them to a share of the money, property, stuff, etc. Typically it’s 50/50.
Now for certain people, let’s say the “earner” is super rich before they get married. They have a big career or family money or whatever and the “non-earner” is totally broke. They get married and it goes poorly and they get divorced within a year, now the “non-earner” is entitled to 50% of the “earners” pre-marriage wealth. Is that fair?
A “pre-nup” or Pre-nuptial (marriage) Agreement is a contract the stipulates *before marriage* how the wealth of the couple will be divided up should they divorce. It could say things like everyone keeps what they had before and split 50/50 whatever was earned during marriage, it could be very specific and detail all kinds of if/thans like if the divorce is due to cheating, if there are kids, if crimes are involved, if the couple splits before or after a certain duration. etc.
**A pre-nup is a contract that creates protections for “earners” against “non-earners” in the case a marriage fails, specifically in cases where the one partner generates or has a much greater wealth than the other.**
It’s a point of contention because the whole point of having one raises the taboo that a marriage has a risk of failure, that partners are not trustworthy, and that people are only interested in money.
Its a legal agreement that covers ahead of time what will be done with the money/assets that each brought to the marriage, and with any money/assets that are obtained during the marriage (which normally would be split equally between them).
e.g. if one partner has a family fortune, a pre-nup would potentially limit how much of that the other could have access to in the case of a split.
Problem is, some people see pre-nups as an indictment of their fidelity. “What, don’t you TRUST ME?” type of thing. Or in some ways a “planning for failure”. I see them more as insurance. You hope that you’ll never have an accident, but insurance is for when accidents happen. Same thing: you hope that you’ll never need a pre-nup, but the prenup will prevent confusion, anger and frustration (over money and assets) in the case of a break-up.. a time when you’re already gonna be confused, angry and frustration.
edit: if you feel strongly in having a pre-nup and your potential spouse doesn’t, this might be a flag you want to look into.
Pre-Nup, or a Pre-Nuptial is a contract between the bride and groom that dictates what happens in the event of a divorce. It outlays who will be responsible for what and how much they will receive. It also can lay out conditions that may trigger a divorce though I don’t know how much weight those have. It preempts divorce court proceedings where the judge determines who gets what and why.
They’re a contentious bit because in some cases they can be seen as insulting and lack of trust. They’re more routine at higher income levels because the amount of assets needed and the more routine access of lawyers makes it a formality.
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